Hey everyone, I know it’s been a long time and I do apologize for the delay. There have been a lot of crazy things going on in life and I got caught up in it all. Not bad things, I haven’t fallen off the map or gotten into anything bad (besides staying up till 2-3am every night but even that is for good reason) This blog wont cover the last month in great detail, but something I recently realized that has a lot to do with the last month or so of my life.
The other day my youngest brother and I were running errands and decided to stop by our old house across from the park. I usually just roll by but for some reason I decided to stop the car. My brother later told me, “I could tell you were remembering memories from when we lived there by the way you were looking at the house.” (Note: I had sunglasses on, how he could tell this, beyond me) He was right, flashbacks rushed into my head and made me pretty emotional, my eyes watered but I held it together, I was in front of my baby brother, I had to be tough.
From there I had to drive just down the street to stop by grandmas old house (hard to believe it was nearly ten years ago that she passed away) before leaving that area of Albuquerque. This is when the emotional teary-eyed twenty year old lost it. I’ve driven by her house so many times without that being my reaction, but something clicked the other day, and I had to try to catch the tears running down from under my sunglasses so that my brother wouldn’t catch on.
That night I had dinner with my family, just a good family dinner on the back porch where we got to sit down, relax, and just enjoy each other for a couple hours, just talking. From there I went to hang out with a group of friends that I have become very close to this summer, five of them in fact, that have given me a lot of perspective on life. It has been reoccurring thoughts that we would all go our separate ways here in the next couple weeks, not something any of us are looking forward to. For the obvious reasons yes, but what I realized this specific night finally came full circle after hanging out with this group of friends.
For the longest time I have had a major problem with worrying about what the future holds, wanting to know what is going to happen with a certain area of my life, or saying, “I just want to know what is going to happen so that I can be prepared.” What I realized is this; I’ll put the pieces together here in an easy to follow way.
1st stop was my old house: Memories of my childhood flooded my head and I realized where I had come from, how I was raised, things I did to get me to be where I am today.
2nd stop was Grandma’s old house: Typically where I spent my time if I wasn’t home, where a woman (my grandmother) wanted nothing more than to just have us in her house, close to her. What I realized that day, is how much I still miss her. She was one of the most influential women in my life at such an early age that it still has an impact on me today.
3rd event was dinner: I sat around the table with a family that the world would say is doing just fine, and I realized this IS who I am, right now, in this day, I am what my family is, we are alike in many ways and I’m so thankful that I will ALWAYS have that, no matter what.
4th event was hanging out with some friends: That night I looked at the faces of the people in the group and realized how I cared about each of them individually and all together. The one thing they have taught me is that this is today, not tomorrow, not yesterday, it’s what you are doing right now that matters, so make the most of it.
So 1. Process of growing up, learning 2. Letting someone close to you is scary to me now, but it’s worth it. 3. Who I am today, what I have, what I will always have. 4. Don’t worry about the future, enjoy today, and make the most of every moment.
I know this is random and probably doesn’t make sense, but if you know me it might, I don’t know.
I was reminded when I was asked to speak to the youth group at my church just last Sunday about something that hangs around my neck on a necklace my parents gave me when they dropped me off in Abilene. It’s Jer. 29:11 which reads, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
I had gotten away from that this summer a bit in more ways than I would like to admit. But I was refocused by a day that took me from my past to my present that ended in a reminder to focus on today, because that’s what is important now. God has the future under control. Yeah I have some strong suggestions I’d like to pass on, but He’s got some of His own, and He knows much better than I do. I’m ok with that. So whether its school, sports, girls, career, etc. I have to take a step back and remember that I’m not in control, as much as I do or as hard as I try to be, I’m not. Thank goodness, I would severely screw things up! Again sorry for the random jumping all over the place, hopefully you got something out of this, if you want to hear more, “you have my contact information.”
God Bless
Austin
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Love Story
Hey everyone, I am currently reading a book entitled "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. If you have the opportunity, I would HIGHLY recommend it to you. It was actually given to me as a gift by a friend of mine named Tim who wrote on the inside a little note, part of that note said, "Hope this book makes you pursue God like never before." WOW! How amazing that a gift that was given to me almost a full year ago, that I am not picking up and reading, at a time in my life where I am challenging myself to pursue God "like never before"! If that isn't the best example of God's plan and his pursue in everyone and everything he brings into our lives, I don't know what is.
Today I want to write about something that has hit my heart recently that I know I need to share because of the humility and ashamed state it has brought me to with my walk. Don't take what I am about to say lightly because I have taken it lightly for FAR too long.
One of the basic principles we are taught from early on in Sunday school is that God loves us, there's a song about it that we all know, "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Great, sounds good to me, I believe it. Up until recently I didn't seriously think about what that meant or how deep that basic, elementary to Christianity idea actually was. Me, God loves me. That has now become one of the stupidest things I have ever heard! Not because I don't believe it, not because I don't want His love, not because the creator of the universe loves such a disgusting, imperfect, sinner. Rather its stupid because of the things I just mentioned, and the things on the list that I left of that wouldn't "qualify" me for His love. Here is the kicker, Francis Chan puts it as simple as I can think, he says, " God doesn't need us but still wants us, yet we desperately need God but most of the time don't want Him. Think about that....
If that didn't just blow your mind like it does mine each and every time I think about it, you need to seriously analyze your life, or I guess you are perfect.
I live my life by what I believe are some good morals, strong faith, and public relationship with Christ, yet I can think of so many instances that I have thought that I don't "need" God. I can do it on my own, I'm 20 years old, I have it under control. The scary thing is, no age, life experience, education, preparation, or studies conducted will EVER allow anyone to say that they don't need God. If you don't need God, then you must live a life with no worries, stresses, problems, EVER! If that is the case, you should probably be in a position higher than the President right now. Hoping we can all agree that none of our lives are that, lets move on, I'm getting off subject.
Since this topic has been in my head, I can't get one saying out of my head that my dad has told me since I was able to understand what it meant, even before then probably.
"Actions speak louder than words"
Up until now, I haven't related that to this topic, but think about it for a minute. We desperately need God, but we don't want Him, for whatever reason. I desperately need God, yet at times, I don't put Him at the center of what I am doing. He should be on the front of my mind in everything I do, when I wake up till the time I fall asleep because if I go out into the world and I say that I love God I better live it, because actions speak louder than words. Its called hypocrisy if that isn't what I do, because I condemn and try to rid my life of sin, yet I walk out into a world full of sin every day. If I walk out into this world and say I love Jesus but I don't act like I do, if my actions don't scream to God being glorified in anything and everything I am doing, then I have failed. We've all sinned and fallen short, I know. But does that mean we don't strive to not fall short, does that mean we just settle for "ok", for mediocrity, for "good enough"? I've had to answer that question, and its going to be hard to back up my answer, but I'm glad. I'm ready for the challenge because I desperately need a God who desperately wants me. In a world where feeling loved by someone has so much emphasis, I have the greatest love known to man, and that love is so overflowing that I can't wait to take it into this world.
I'll leave you with this...
Jesus died on the cross for our sins, everyones, not just the select few who go to church, read their Bible, pray, He died for every single person on this earth so that we may have a shot to spend eternity with Him. He died for you and me. That's love. God tells us He loves us over and over and over again, and he backs it up. His actions speak louder than His words, the cross is just one example
Much love
Today I want to write about something that has hit my heart recently that I know I need to share because of the humility and ashamed state it has brought me to with my walk. Don't take what I am about to say lightly because I have taken it lightly for FAR too long.
One of the basic principles we are taught from early on in Sunday school is that God loves us, there's a song about it that we all know, "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Great, sounds good to me, I believe it. Up until recently I didn't seriously think about what that meant or how deep that basic, elementary to Christianity idea actually was. Me, God loves me. That has now become one of the stupidest things I have ever heard! Not because I don't believe it, not because I don't want His love, not because the creator of the universe loves such a disgusting, imperfect, sinner. Rather its stupid because of the things I just mentioned, and the things on the list that I left of that wouldn't "qualify" me for His love. Here is the kicker, Francis Chan puts it as simple as I can think, he says, " God doesn't need us but still wants us, yet we desperately need God but most of the time don't want Him. Think about that....
If that didn't just blow your mind like it does mine each and every time I think about it, you need to seriously analyze your life, or I guess you are perfect.
I live my life by what I believe are some good morals, strong faith, and public relationship with Christ, yet I can think of so many instances that I have thought that I don't "need" God. I can do it on my own, I'm 20 years old, I have it under control. The scary thing is, no age, life experience, education, preparation, or studies conducted will EVER allow anyone to say that they don't need God. If you don't need God, then you must live a life with no worries, stresses, problems, EVER! If that is the case, you should probably be in a position higher than the President right now. Hoping we can all agree that none of our lives are that, lets move on, I'm getting off subject.
Since this topic has been in my head, I can't get one saying out of my head that my dad has told me since I was able to understand what it meant, even before then probably.
"Actions speak louder than words"
Up until now, I haven't related that to this topic, but think about it for a minute. We desperately need God, but we don't want Him, for whatever reason. I desperately need God, yet at times, I don't put Him at the center of what I am doing. He should be on the front of my mind in everything I do, when I wake up till the time I fall asleep because if I go out into the world and I say that I love God I better live it, because actions speak louder than words. Its called hypocrisy if that isn't what I do, because I condemn and try to rid my life of sin, yet I walk out into a world full of sin every day. If I walk out into this world and say I love Jesus but I don't act like I do, if my actions don't scream to God being glorified in anything and everything I am doing, then I have failed. We've all sinned and fallen short, I know. But does that mean we don't strive to not fall short, does that mean we just settle for "ok", for mediocrity, for "good enough"? I've had to answer that question, and its going to be hard to back up my answer, but I'm glad. I'm ready for the challenge because I desperately need a God who desperately wants me. In a world where feeling loved by someone has so much emphasis, I have the greatest love known to man, and that love is so overflowing that I can't wait to take it into this world.
I'll leave you with this...
Jesus died on the cross for our sins, everyones, not just the select few who go to church, read their Bible, pray, He died for every single person on this earth so that we may have a shot to spend eternity with Him. He died for you and me. That's love. God tells us He loves us over and over and over again, and he backs it up. His actions speak louder than His words, the cross is just one example
Much love
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