Brothers Keeper

This past weekend marks one of the hardest moments of my life to this point: Taking my brother to college.

This may sounds stupid to some, but if you understood the relationship my brother and I have you may understand a little better, so I’ll attempt to unpack it fairly quick.

1993- Davis born

1993-2001 Davis and I have our little brotherly childhood arguments and disagreements, usually over toys or what’s fair and what isn’t. Typical stuff

2001- Sibling Civil War breaks out
I’m not sure what started this; me pushing Davis into the wall splitting his forehead open or when he hit me in the face with a baseball bat knocking two teeth out… up for further review but we wont get into it, leave it for historians to debate years later.

2001-2004- Battles Break Out
During these years Davis and I had an interesting relationship. Sometimes things were good, but sometimes things were terrible. We got along just fine, nothing that ever needed counseling or interventions (beyond our parents). However it was at a point where Davis and I fought enough for our parents to cancel a family trip to Arizona due to our persistent fighting on summer afternoon. Davis and I would play basketball until my mom made us come in most nights (usually heated games that made dinner a battle of frustration).
I don’t want to put words into Davis’ mouth because he and I have never sat down and discussed these years however I have some thoughts, opinions if you may. The reason I believe Davis and I had such a hard time within these years is that we trying to keep up with the other one. From as long as I can remember Davis and I were different in some specific ways: Davis was bigger than I was, which created him to have an advantage in most sports that we played, so I was playing catch up to try and be as good as my younger brother. I was naturally smarter than Davis (Davis isn’t dumb by any means), school came easy to me and I had to try very little in order to be successful, so Davis was always putting in twice as much work on his education than I was (still the case, he busts his butt in school, I could use more of that).
From there on, everything seemed to be that way, one of us was better at something and it drove the other one crazy! We kept “score” in everything that we did, we wanted to out-do the other one, not wanting the other to have satisfaction in whatever they were doing because we could do it better, faster, or whatever the case may have been.

2004-2008- Treaty of Papaya
We moved the summer before I entered high school, changing our school districts for many reasons but a big one being Davis and Stephen would go to better schools, I don’t believe it changed our high school district so that wasn’t an issue. Something about moving into that house, Davis entering middle school, myself entering high school, brought a peace between us. We all of the sudden hung out with each other and it wasn’t a constant competition. We encouraged each other, we wanted the other to do well in the things we were taking part in, we weren’t keeping “score” of who was doing what and if that was comparable to ourselves. I’ve always said that Davis is more mature than his age in a lot of ways, and this is where I am now realizing it. Davis and I became friends.
Having Davis in high school with me for my senior year, his freshman was an absolute blast! I honestly felt like I knew 2000 or the 2500 that went to our school, in part due to being social and involved but a lot of that came from being around Davis’ group of friends for so long. I got to watch him dominate freshman athletics, and transform from this quiet, shy kid, to a social butterfly (oops). Davis started to hang out with my friends when the opportunity provided itself, there wasn’t much he couldn’t do with me at this point, we were pretty close.

Fall 2008- College Departure
I left for college in August of 2008 and I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into. I wasn’t sure what relationships would be like with me going 500 miles from home. I knew family would always be family but the people I had grown closest to for the first 18 years of my life would now not be around every day. I was worried that things would fade
2008-2011 Bro Times
During these years of me being away Davis and I somehow managed to communicate really well while I was gone. We didn’t talk every day necessarily but 3-4 times a week and we didn’t seem to struggle. Every time I went home for a break we picked right back up where we left off, honestly, we became closer. We spend A LOT of time together during breaks when I’m back and our relationship has increased to something I would have never imagined. We talk about anything and are on the same page it’s scary sometimes.
We don’t think we look alike and most people don’t either, however we have had (on numerous occasion) people ask if we are twins. This is strange to us because in no way do we see that resemblance, however we both think that wouldn’t be so bad. We are 3 years apart, but we act like we are the exact same age. We have become best friends. My parents say “how scary would it be if you two were the same age” and honestly, they are right!
We are pretty legit, I’m not going to sugar coat that so take it as boastful or bragging if you want to, I said it. We are two people that you want to be around, guaranteed smiles and laughs but at the same time can straighten out and get real in a heartbeat. Together Davis and I are enjoyable to be around (so we’re told and I believe).
2011- Tables Turned
Made a trip to Grand Junction, CO for Davis’ defensive workout with Mesa State University. This wasn’t the first time, or the first school, that I had been in this situation. Going through the decision making process and now going through it with Davis, its “not our first rodeo.” However when it’s not you, it’s different. Leaving that weekend, I knew that is where Davis would decide to go to school, where things would work out, and where God would open doors for him.
This weekend I helped move my brother into his dorm room (more like a hotel) and spend the last few days with him. It sucked. I didn’t enjoy much of the actual moving in process, the going with him to admissions, bookstore, etc. He played no role in my dissatisfaction, but he played the entire role. I was doing something for the first time it felt, let go of my younger brother. For the past 48 hours I felt like, for the first time in a long time, that he was younger, lived less life, embarking on new, uncharted territory. I had feelings of anger, hurt, frustration, jealousy, heartache, confusion, joy, peace, all balled into one weekend.
I can’t explain everyone of those emotions for you over the past weekend, that would take a while, but I will say this; you know the headache you get after balling your eyes out, that’s what I’ve felt for the past 3 days thinking about this moment (and I hadn’t cried, well, that hard, until leaving him this morning).
It hurts, it sucks, to leave someone you are that close with, that means that much to you, that you want the absolute best for in everything they do, but you can’t control it. I know that he is in a good place and that he is going to do great things, that’s who he is. It hurts that I can’t physically be there for it, that I will be 15 hours away, trying to do the same thing.
I don’t expect things to change between my brother and I, the love will never fade, and the friendship will continue to grow. Things will be different now though, because he and I are once again on the same level in a sense, college. Last time this was the case, great things happened, I expect nothing less this time around. We’ll see what happens from here, what doors God opens up and where God takes both of us. It sucks that I have been blessed with such an amazing brother and family, such an amazing friend, and such an amazing situation. “If it didn’t suck this bad, it would suck much more”, may be difficult for you reading to comprehend that, but think about it.

Now-
Going to be awesome!

Much Love

Salvation For Real

I recently got the opportunity to take a group of high school students from Abilene, TX to summer camp through my involvement in Young Life. Some of you will know and recognize Young Life some of you may not. Young Life is a relationship based (Christian non-denominational) ministry that is not directly connected to a specific church. What my role is, as a volunteer leader, is to spend time with high school students, getting to know them, watching them in activities and events, and just hanging out with them when I can (and when they have nothing better to do). As time develops the hope is to have conversations about Jesus Christ and present an opportunity to talk about the things they want to know, struggle with, desire, or question.

This is something I have been doing for a long time; my parents were Young Life leaders and committee members from the day I was born until about the age of 12 or 13. I then became a Wylde Life Leader (Mid-School students) leader as a high school student for almost 3 years. Going to college I became a Young Life leader and started the journey of getting to know students at one specific high school within the area. Ask anyone that does Young Life and they will tell you that it is not easy, but it’s worth it.

While we were at camp, each night after listening to the camp speaker, David Page, we returned to our cabin to have “cabin time”. This is a time to reflect and discuss things we heard and what it meant to us each individually. Cabin time is where I get to get my hands dirty and present insight (or lack there of) on topics we are discussing, these can range from sex to murder or sin to salvation. This one specific night I was having a hard time talking to my guys in my cabin as I looked around the room at a group of high school students from Abilene, TX, the Bible Belt and saw this inward empty feeling. The looks on their faces and their body language hit me as tears filled my eyes; they get it, but there’s more than simply getting it, it has to become real and apparent. I shared with the group of 6 guys with me that I loved them, truly loved them, not this word that we throw around in culture for things we enjoy, but truly loved them and cared deeply for them.

We left cabin time that night to go enjoy a concert by Ryan Long, the musical guest that week at camp, go look up his music, he is incredibly talented. As I stood there at the back of the room while Ryan sang a song with the lyrics “I’m not waving I’m drowning, do you care about me? I’m starting to doubt whether I will be anything” the only thing that I could think about were the dudes in my cabin, is this what they felt. I started to wonder how many of us in that cabin felt that way, I could see the hurt, anger, fear, sadness on their faces. I had to excuse myself from the room and walk outside because tears were flowing from my eyes as I got a glimpse of what I think the Father sees when He looks down on us.

My heart broke, for the first time in my life, for someone’s salvation. My heart broke for the fear of someone not understanding and living that understanding. I was crushed, in every way imaginable, I was broken over this.

I said that I believe I caught a glimpse of what the Father sees when He looks down on our world, on our nation, on our community, on us. He sees us, He sees me, and I understand, I get it, I know what is right and that it’s the only way, but does my life, my actions, my behaviors, my thoughts, and my motives echo that in my actions, in my living? I wish I could say that 100% of the time yes, but that would be a lie, because I have fallen short, we all have. Do I say this to discourage us, no; I say this because I realize that salvation isn’t something passive or to be tempted or messed around with, it’s a serious matter. David Page said during a meeting we had, he said “don’t just exist, live” That opens up a new topic but I will leave with this, we can all exist, that’s easy, challenge yourselves to live. Challenge yourself to not just understand but put that into work in every area. Don’t let heartbreak from the Father happen over you. I’ve caught only a glimpse, a small scale vision of what that is like, and it isn’t a great feeling. Always here to chat more, thanks for reading

Much Love
Austin