Hey everyone, hope you guys are doing well and that life is blessing you in many ways. I hope that through reading this blog you are inspired to pursue Christ harder and deeper every day and if nothing else, you can just read it and maybe have a thought spark. It's not my goal to change lives through writing a blog, thats up to God because our relationships with Him are personal and only you can determine what you want that relationship to look like. I am lucky, I was born and raised with Christ at the center of my life, thats how I was taught, showed, and reminded daily to live my life. It wasn't shoved down my throat but it was put in front of me to make a choice, and at an early age I did. I had a relationship with Christ that I would consider pretty good, not too many worries or struggles, I didn't do bad things, I obeyed my parents, tried to sin as little as possible, and went to church, YL, church camps, Bible studies. Don't get me wrong, I didn't go to these things because I felt like it was the right thing to do because I was a Christian, I truly wanted to go to these things and have a relationship with God, and I did. Junior year created the first bump in my faith I think, and I didn't realize it at the time. I tore my shoulder at a baseball recruiting camp Christmas break when I was 16 years old. Since then my sports world was flipped upside down it seems, because from then on out the struggle seemed that much harder in many ways. Growing up I was small, I was young, and I wasn't as talented as other kids. This created a situation where I was playing a year up in every sport, I was the smallest on every team, and I had to work extra hard to even keep up with everyone else. I didn't mind it, still don't, I know God meant for it to be that way for me even though some times I heckle my parents for putting me at a disadvantage.
Since that injury junior year I have battled through a shoulder surgery, torn tissue in my knees, fractured back, another shoulder injury, concussions, the list goes on and on and don't feel sorry for me, really. Injuries happen to everyone, I know that, my body just has never been ready to handle the load that I have put on it since I was 16 and that is my own doing, so I now embrace that what happens is on my shoulders when it comes to keeping myself healthy.
Yet since that injury junior year, my relationship with Christ was changed, and not in a good way. Since then, through injuries, depth chart battles, and all of the fun that comes with competing at a high level of competition for a starting spot, I have questioned a lot of things. I'm ashamed to say that I questioned where God has been in the midst of that, I questioned whether He knew what He was doing or not. More often than not, I got frustrated with what was going on in my life and where I was supposed to find God in the midst of this frustration. Why would an almighty, perfect, compassionate God, put me through so much crap? I have spent numerous hours praying for answers, praying that He would reveal to me why He was allowing these things to happen to me. Usually it was along these lines, "God, I want to believe that you are doing something greater than what I see because you promise you have plans for me that perfect, but if that's the case, why do I have to suffer like this. Why do I have to be hurt to see your desires, why can't you just show them to me without the pain and frustration, why do I have to go through this again, I thought this was over." That is about word for word my plea to God to show me why!
This last Sunday in church a man talked over the book of Job. Job is a man who loves and fears God with all he had. God allowed Satan to test Job's faith in God, and Satan did, numerous times, yet Job NEVER let the Devil win. When nothing made sense to Job he still praised God and trusted that God would take care of him. Pretty awesome right? I thought so too, but just when I thought I knew the story of Job, this man took it step further. God doesn't owe us answers for what is going on in our lives, he doesnt. That hit me hard in church Sunday as I was crying during the last song of worship.
I have prayed so many times, plead with God to give me answers, to show me why, to do this or that so that I could have rest in what He was doing in my life. How pathetic am I! How sad is that! I have been questioning and demanding answers to a God who promised me a great life according to His purpose?! What a wretch am i, that i would think that the God of the universe should have to explain to me His plans. I was humbled, and I hope you are too, whoever is reading this, I hope that you realized like I have, that God doesn't owe us answers or explanations, because He already promised us a life greater than we can imagine. So thank you God, for watching out for me, for protecting me, even when I feel like you aren't protecting me you are right by my side, carrying me through the hard times and the good.
God Bless,
Austin
If you have prayer requests, please let me know how I can be praying for you, much love
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