Back in TX....

Back in Texas…..

Well, where to begin, that’s a tough one. I’ve been back here in Texas for less than a week and I feel like I have so much and so little to share at the same time. So far, my life has consisted of school, baseball, then getting ready for school. I’m exhausted, and Young Life, New Student Bible Study, and nothing social has really even started…. God help me!
I’m going to try to get right to the point tonight. Try would be the key word in that sentence as you all know, I have a tendency to draw things out.
Since I have been back here for school I have been pretty bitter and upset to be completely honest. And it has nothing to do with being in school or the fact that its 100+ at practice every day. I was SO angry to be leaving home this year, and its been killing me. Some of the frustration has gone away, but when I get to thinking about it, I get worked up all over again.
I know that when everyone has to leave home they have things they don’t want to leave, things they will miss. For me, I absolutely hate saying bye to my family, it kills me every time and for some reason this year was the hardest, it tears me up inside every day and I know that’s a good thing to miss people you care about, but it hurts too. This summer I also hung out with a great group of friends that I was very bummed to leave, even though we are all going back to our respected schools to do our own thing, and that’s awesome. I also had the opportunity to take a certain young lady out on a couple dates, and I developed intimate feelings for her, so being away from that doesn’t help that already existing hurt from family and friends.
I know I have talked about this before so there’s a deeper point.
Church Sunday was something I was really looking forward to, little did I know God had a message that was specifically for me, entitled “Building a Life That Matters, Give Thanks”
The whole sermon was based around the fact that God has taken care of everything in our lives. He has done what needs to be done and He will continue to take care of us because He knows best. Its not worth us complaining or whining about it, because the “struggles” we are having are minimal in comparison to the great things we have in our lives that Christ has given us. This is me right now… God has done great things in my life and He will continue to, and I know that. Yet still, 4 days after that message I am having such a hard time just knowing that God will take care of everything; He will take care of my family till I see them again, doing great things in each of their lives, He will allow my friends to have a great semester filled with ups and downs that will ultimately continue to mold them as people as individuals and us as a group of friends, and He will do what He wants with a possible future relationship in my life.
I KNOW ALL THESE THINGS!!! That’s what makes me feel so selfish and sick to my stomach, because I still can’t let go of the fact that I wish I still had it all with me, right here, not hundreds and thousands of miles away. I’m continuing to pray that God will take care of this anxiety/frustration/confusion in my life. I know that He will take care of it all, but because I am really good with patience, I wish I could see the bigger picture sooner. The other night as I expressed my frustrations to my dad on the phone he said this, “Our timing and God’s timing are rarely the same, but that’s because His time is better than ours.” (Makes me miss him just remembering our conversation as I was broken in my car outside my house here in TX because I wasn’t ready to get out and face that fact that I was here, and that I had to move forward)
My prayer for myself and for those who may feel the same way in some way or another is this: I want all the answers; God already has the answer key. I want things on my time; God’s time is perfect. I don’t know how to fix that discontent; God has all the tools. So for me, and anyone else, its time to let Him do work on my heart. I can only do so much, but He can do everything


God Bless,
Austin