Well, I’m a man of my word and I am posting a blog fairly quickly as I said I would. For those of you reading, hopefully you read the last blog, if not, I’d read that one before proceeding with this one. For as much as I jump around and potentially confuse you, if you don’t read the last one you may desire to check me into a home.
Last blog we walked through the idea of “good enough” and measuring up to standards set by our culture. We’ll pick it up from where I left off; We’re told that we are good enough yet we don’t believe it by the actions that result from our inability to measure up. So what do we do?
A couple options come to mind:
A. We try harder
B. We try something different
C. We stop trying
And I believe the answer is, all of them, A B and C. We have to do these things, together, in reverse order. Now I’m getting crazy I know. Stick with me I promise that will make sense.
We stop trying
We must cease to match up, measuring ourselves against those around us. There will always be someone or something that we believe is better in some way. Everyone experiences that and if they don’t they are too arrogant and it’s coming I promise (that was harsh I know, oh well). We must put down the magazines that cause us to despise ourselves, turn off the shows that tell us we are unimportant, and stop giving into the marketing that we must have something in order to be happy. Until we stop we will only continue the empty pursuit to be filled by materialism
We try something different
Read some stories throughout the Bible of God’s people: Moses, David, Job, etc. Even the lower profile characters that names weren’t listed: the prostitute, the man with leprosy, and the woman at the well. These dudes and girl dudes were not perfect, actually they were far from it in many ways, with some major flaws that God didn’t give a dang about because He was going to work through that, because He can do stuff like that, He’s God. Why though, they were far from perfect, severely messed up, doing some sketchy things? Because they knew that Jesus was the only one who mattered, His opinion was that of The Father, and that’s the only opinion they cared to care about. What if we took the words written in ________ literally? Try something different, please someone different, pursue pleasing and being good enough to the One that matters.
We try harder
Ok so we have stopped trying and we are going to try something different, now we have to try harder. We have to try hard, then we have to try harder. Trying hard gets you some satisfaction and you did well, but pushing yourself beyond the limits that you believed you could go is what I mean by trying harder. Want to know something fun, you do, good I’m glad. We will fail no matter how hard we try! What, “Austin this sucks what are you saying?” I’m saying we are human and we are sinners, we will never be “good enough” no matter how hard we try and how desperately we pursue Christ. However, He tells us that “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.” (James 1:12).
We wont be “good enough” because we can’t be perfect but we will be good enough because we have pleased Him by our words, through our actions, and in our thoughts.
Francis Chan discusses in Crazy Love the profile of “Obsessed” and what that looks like in terms of being obsessed with Christ. He addressed a similar topic and states that until we stop trying to pay back God we will fail continuing to feel insecure. This hit me because insecurity will come, frustration will come, doubt will happen, but take heart because God looks at you as you pursue Him, truly pursue Him by attempting to please him and no one else, and says that you are good. You are good enough, faithful servant.
I hope you can draw something from this back-to-back blogging. I pray that you will find some encouragement and motivation. We have to decide whose eyes we are attempting to be good enough in….
As always, feedback is encouraged and cared for.
Much Love
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Good Enough Pt. 1
Have you ever been told that you couldn’t do something based on abilities you possessed or didn’t possess? If you answered no, we need to meet and become best friends because that would make you an outright stud among studs. It’s happened to all of us, at some point, in some way. Not smart enough, not talented enough, not big enough, not pretty enough, and the list goes on. The central idea amongst all of these is that of not being “good enough”. The best part is that somehow, somewhere, and someway the idea that we decided what was “good enough” and determined who was “good enough”. That’s insane to me! When were we, when was anyone given the authority to decide what “good enough” was in all of the respected areas?
The best part is that we don’t think twice about saying he/she isn’t good enough at this or that. Again, if you’ve heard you weren’t good enough at something or not enough of something, you’ve said it about someone as well. Before you pull the, “no not me, never” card out of your pocket, think hard, I’m sure it has happened recently, maybe you didn’t even say it, you thought it.
Lets clarify before we continue. Not being “good enough” to play professional baseball is not what I am talking about (because that isn’t happening, got it, check). What I mean when I imply by good enough is the devaluing that takes place from the “good enough” standard. It’s the recognition that we have fallen short and not met a mark, and in turn, we are worth less, not as important. WRONG!
We are stuck in a society that treasures measurements and expectations that are skewed by materialism and an false advertising of what reality is. I may break some hearts right now and you may not like the following statement; there is no perfection in this world. No one is perfect and nothing is perfect. No model, athlete, grandparent, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, job/career, activity, toy, or gadget and that include the iPhone 4 S (I said it). If that didn’t get my point across just ask me to elaborate and I’ll give you a longer list, trust me, I have one (because everything is on it).
Ok, take a deep breathe, the easy part to swallow is over. What, it gets harder to hear what I’m writing about?! Yes, it does. It gets harder because we have forgotten what we were told, by ______, the PERFECT one (one and only form of perfection), ___________. You’re wondering why I say that’s harder to hear, because we’ve misplaced this along the way. We’ve forgotten that the Creator of the Universe looks at us and calls us good, holy, worthy. Self-check: We “know” that, but do we believe it, do we fully believe with all our hearts that it’s true? I don’t think we do, I don’t think we remember this, because when we have a feeling of not being “good/worthy enough” we are showing our disbelief. Maybe we never connected that our actions are showing disbelief. It’s hard for me to write because I’ve been here, I go to this place of believing the outside influences and not the Father who loves me more than I can imagine, no matter how much I want to. Lord forgive me, how selfish and embarrassing and utterly foolish.
I’ll post another blog soon, but before I get long winded and you lose interest I want you to think about this for a bit, let it sit, sleep on it. Maybe we’ll make some strides in the recognition of the self-actualization process we continually face.
I usually state that you can contact me and give me some feedback; questions, comments, concerns. However this is the one time I will encourage you to hold off, wait until you read the next blog.
Much Love
The best part is that we don’t think twice about saying he/she isn’t good enough at this or that. Again, if you’ve heard you weren’t good enough at something or not enough of something, you’ve said it about someone as well. Before you pull the, “no not me, never” card out of your pocket, think hard, I’m sure it has happened recently, maybe you didn’t even say it, you thought it.
Lets clarify before we continue. Not being “good enough” to play professional baseball is not what I am talking about (because that isn’t happening, got it, check). What I mean when I imply by good enough is the devaluing that takes place from the “good enough” standard. It’s the recognition that we have fallen short and not met a mark, and in turn, we are worth less, not as important. WRONG!
We are stuck in a society that treasures measurements and expectations that are skewed by materialism and an false advertising of what reality is. I may break some hearts right now and you may not like the following statement; there is no perfection in this world. No one is perfect and nothing is perfect. No model, athlete, grandparent, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, job/career, activity, toy, or gadget and that include the iPhone 4 S (I said it). If that didn’t get my point across just ask me to elaborate and I’ll give you a longer list, trust me, I have one (because everything is on it).
Ok, take a deep breathe, the easy part to swallow is over. What, it gets harder to hear what I’m writing about?! Yes, it does. It gets harder because we have forgotten what we were told, by ______, the PERFECT one (one and only form of perfection), ___________. You’re wondering why I say that’s harder to hear, because we’ve misplaced this along the way. We’ve forgotten that the Creator of the Universe looks at us and calls us good, holy, worthy. Self-check: We “know” that, but do we believe it, do we fully believe with all our hearts that it’s true? I don’t think we do, I don’t think we remember this, because when we have a feeling of not being “good/worthy enough” we are showing our disbelief. Maybe we never connected that our actions are showing disbelief. It’s hard for me to write because I’ve been here, I go to this place of believing the outside influences and not the Father who loves me more than I can imagine, no matter how much I want to. Lord forgive me, how selfish and embarrassing and utterly foolish.
I’ll post another blog soon, but before I get long winded and you lose interest I want you to think about this for a bit, let it sit, sleep on it. Maybe we’ll make some strides in the recognition of the self-actualization process we continually face.
I usually state that you can contact me and give me some feedback; questions, comments, concerns. However this is the one time I will encourage you to hold off, wait until you read the next blog.
Much Love
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Living Loud
Tonight I was just in a funk, not listening to words people were saying directly to me, seeing their mouth move but not hearing the words. I’m sure it came off as rude, probably arrogant, but that wasn’t it. The probably wasn’t that my mind was blank, it was that my mind was full. My mind was full of faces, personalities, laughs, smiles, and memories. My mind was filled with people whom I know and love and have been around for years, some since birth and some for a very short period of time, even meeting them once or twice. These people that I thought about brought a numbing sense to my entire body, I was frozen sitting in a chair with thirty people. These people I was thinking about, are people that I am afraid for, that I am broken for. I sat there wanting to burst out in tears, wanting to yell at the top of my lungs.
By now you’re thinking I was being a diva, over exaggerating, being dramatic, however you want to paint it. However that’s how I felt, it was incredibly sickening the feelings I had as the people flashed through my mind.
Why? Who were these people, why were their faces, laughs, smiles, and memories making me feel sick and sad to the point of not knowing what to do but yell and cry like a 4 year old in the toy aisle. It was people I know, some intimately and some on an incredibly surface level acquaintance, people that I don’t know where they are going. A mentor, boss, co-worker, discussed tonight the feeling that God’s Kingdom is near, just feeling that it seems like He’s coming soon. It was after being in agreement with him that people entered my mind. People that I am not sure where they will be on that day.
Don’t mishear me and take me to believe I am holier than thou and I have punched a ticket to 100% heaven enrollment because I am so unclean and undeserving it’s not even close. But I am saying it, I’ll say it, I’m fearful for some, I’m scared, but most of all I am heartbroken. The idea of not seeing these people in heaven is what was pushing me to the breaking point sitting in that chair. I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about it, I’m not trying to drag anyone down whatsoever. I’m just trying to comprehend these feelings I had.
What I have to ask you, is are you one of those people? Not one of those people that entered my head even, are you one of those people that had your mom or dad had the same process happen in their head, would you be one of those faces, smiles, memories of someone that flashed in their head? You enter the blank of who you think it would be, grandparent, youth pastor, boyfriend/girlfriend, brother, anyone. It hurts, and it breaks my heart. There’s a lot in this little bit to unpack and I can’t do it all or you will be reading all night so I’ll wrap it up quickly.
1. I deeply, truly care, about your salvation. I want to see you in heaven for eternity. Don’t pass this off as, “Austin you don’t even know who is reading this that you are saying it to” because it doesn’t matter. My heart breaks at the thought of not seeing everyone I have known and come in contact with in heaven with the Father for eternity.
2. Maybe you’re feeling like me, scared for that, worried at who you may or may not see in heaven. My question to you is this, my question to myself is this: Am I living loud? Are you living loud? Meaning: Can the people you are coming in contact with, the ones filling your mind and thoughts in this sense, can they see Christ in you, in me?
I have some more on this that I will write on soon, it’ll be a blog overload so get over it, sorry I’m not sorry. I love ya’ll too much to keep it all in. Contact me
Much Love
By now you’re thinking I was being a diva, over exaggerating, being dramatic, however you want to paint it. However that’s how I felt, it was incredibly sickening the feelings I had as the people flashed through my mind.
Why? Who were these people, why were their faces, laughs, smiles, and memories making me feel sick and sad to the point of not knowing what to do but yell and cry like a 4 year old in the toy aisle. It was people I know, some intimately and some on an incredibly surface level acquaintance, people that I don’t know where they are going. A mentor, boss, co-worker, discussed tonight the feeling that God’s Kingdom is near, just feeling that it seems like He’s coming soon. It was after being in agreement with him that people entered my mind. People that I am not sure where they will be on that day.
Don’t mishear me and take me to believe I am holier than thou and I have punched a ticket to 100% heaven enrollment because I am so unclean and undeserving it’s not even close. But I am saying it, I’ll say it, I’m fearful for some, I’m scared, but most of all I am heartbroken. The idea of not seeing these people in heaven is what was pushing me to the breaking point sitting in that chair. I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about it, I’m not trying to drag anyone down whatsoever. I’m just trying to comprehend these feelings I had.
What I have to ask you, is are you one of those people? Not one of those people that entered my head even, are you one of those people that had your mom or dad had the same process happen in their head, would you be one of those faces, smiles, memories of someone that flashed in their head? You enter the blank of who you think it would be, grandparent, youth pastor, boyfriend/girlfriend, brother, anyone. It hurts, and it breaks my heart. There’s a lot in this little bit to unpack and I can’t do it all or you will be reading all night so I’ll wrap it up quickly.
1. I deeply, truly care, about your salvation. I want to see you in heaven for eternity. Don’t pass this off as, “Austin you don’t even know who is reading this that you are saying it to” because it doesn’t matter. My heart breaks at the thought of not seeing everyone I have known and come in contact with in heaven with the Father for eternity.
2. Maybe you’re feeling like me, scared for that, worried at who you may or may not see in heaven. My question to you is this, my question to myself is this: Am I living loud? Are you living loud? Meaning: Can the people you are coming in contact with, the ones filling your mind and thoughts in this sense, can they see Christ in you, in me?
I have some more on this that I will write on soon, it’ll be a blog overload so get over it, sorry I’m not sorry. I love ya’ll too much to keep it all in. Contact me
Much Love
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Compassion Double Take
Have you ever been cut off in traffic, nearly ran over by a shopping cart, cut in front of, held the door for a group with no thank you in return, or just watched as someone did something right in front of you that makes you scratch your head and even get a little upset? If you answered no you are lying to yourself! Well if you know me, I am quick to get peeved in these situations, my family thinks it’s funny and I assure you it is not. Maybe it comes from my lack of patience that I am constantly praying for and I believe God is answering me with more situations where I fail miserably (thank you Lord). Whatever the case is, there has been an overpowering thought that has been on my mind for over a month now, compassion.
About three weeks after I continued to try and push thoughts that I wasn’t very compassionate a sermon at Beltway was given, on compassion and the only thought that came to my mind that morning was, God is calling me on the carpet right here and now. Matthew 7:3-4, go look it up real quick it will only take a second. Think about what it says … no reflect on when you get upset with people, people you don’t even know, for the small, insignificant things that bother you…. Pretty weak on us right?
Confession: I have realized why I get so upset when someone is driving bad, or is inconsiderate of those around them, or oblivious to what is going on that creates an inconvenience to me (for 5 seconds). I get so put off so quickly because somewhere inside of me, I felt like I NEVER was guilty of the same things, I felt that I was above these things and was disgusted at the things going on around me. How self righteous am i?!
Now the word compassion by definition means to have pity on or suffer with others as they are greeted by misfortunes. I thought before this internal quest that I was a pretty compassionate person; I do ministry, I tell people I will pray for them, I donate to the needy. SO WHAT! Those are simply actions without center if I am doing them without true compassion. What is true compassion? Glad you asked. Jesus Christ. The number one synonym I could find for compassion, mercy. Getting something you don’t deserve. We were given, I was given, the opportunity to have abundant life and to have it to the full, to live eternally with the Creator of the universe who loved me so much knowing that I would be such a mess and filthy and undeserving.
So if my life is supposed to imitate Christ, I should have the same compassion for everyone that He has on me right? Correct. Well what does that look like? Again, glad you asked, you’re asking good questions. It means that when someone is driving… poorly… I don’t get upset and speed around them or give a little “hey genius drive better” honk. Or when someone almost t-bones me with their shopping cart and says nothing but expects me to move, smile and I be the one to let them pass. It’s these little things that I see all the time in my every day walking that I need to work on, not because I can but because I should. I should hold myself to a higher standard as a believer and imitator of Christ to do the uncommon thing.
After all let’s be honest, plenty of people can get upset while behind the wheel, anyone can mumble unnecessary things under their breath, but who can take a deep breath, remember the compassion Christ has for me on a daily basis with how much I slip up, and translate that into my own mercy and understanding. Because who knows, maybe the person I could get frustrated with, is having a bad day, and I can show them Jesus through the way I handle a situation. You never know! Strength and Courage peeps
Much Love
About three weeks after I continued to try and push thoughts that I wasn’t very compassionate a sermon at Beltway was given, on compassion and the only thought that came to my mind that morning was, God is calling me on the carpet right here and now. Matthew 7:3-4, go look it up real quick it will only take a second. Think about what it says … no reflect on when you get upset with people, people you don’t even know, for the small, insignificant things that bother you…. Pretty weak on us right?
Confession: I have realized why I get so upset when someone is driving bad, or is inconsiderate of those around them, or oblivious to what is going on that creates an inconvenience to me (for 5 seconds). I get so put off so quickly because somewhere inside of me, I felt like I NEVER was guilty of the same things, I felt that I was above these things and was disgusted at the things going on around me. How self righteous am i?!
Now the word compassion by definition means to have pity on or suffer with others as they are greeted by misfortunes. I thought before this internal quest that I was a pretty compassionate person; I do ministry, I tell people I will pray for them, I donate to the needy. SO WHAT! Those are simply actions without center if I am doing them without true compassion. What is true compassion? Glad you asked. Jesus Christ. The number one synonym I could find for compassion, mercy. Getting something you don’t deserve. We were given, I was given, the opportunity to have abundant life and to have it to the full, to live eternally with the Creator of the universe who loved me so much knowing that I would be such a mess and filthy and undeserving.
So if my life is supposed to imitate Christ, I should have the same compassion for everyone that He has on me right? Correct. Well what does that look like? Again, glad you asked, you’re asking good questions. It means that when someone is driving… poorly… I don’t get upset and speed around them or give a little “hey genius drive better” honk. Or when someone almost t-bones me with their shopping cart and says nothing but expects me to move, smile and I be the one to let them pass. It’s these little things that I see all the time in my every day walking that I need to work on, not because I can but because I should. I should hold myself to a higher standard as a believer and imitator of Christ to do the uncommon thing.
After all let’s be honest, plenty of people can get upset while behind the wheel, anyone can mumble unnecessary things under their breath, but who can take a deep breath, remember the compassion Christ has for me on a daily basis with how much I slip up, and translate that into my own mercy and understanding. Because who knows, maybe the person I could get frustrated with, is having a bad day, and I can show them Jesus through the way I handle a situation. You never know! Strength and Courage peeps
Much Love
Monday, August 15, 2011
Brothers Keeper
This past weekend marks one of the hardest moments of my life to this point: Taking my brother to college.
This may sounds stupid to some, but if you understood the relationship my brother and I have you may understand a little better, so I’ll attempt to unpack it fairly quick.
1993- Davis born
1993-2001 Davis and I have our little brotherly childhood arguments and disagreements, usually over toys or what’s fair and what isn’t. Typical stuff
2001- Sibling Civil War breaks out
I’m not sure what started this; me pushing Davis into the wall splitting his forehead open or when he hit me in the face with a baseball bat knocking two teeth out… up for further review but we wont get into it, leave it for historians to debate years later.
2001-2004- Battles Break Out
During these years Davis and I had an interesting relationship. Sometimes things were good, but sometimes things were terrible. We got along just fine, nothing that ever needed counseling or interventions (beyond our parents). However it was at a point where Davis and I fought enough for our parents to cancel a family trip to Arizona due to our persistent fighting on summer afternoon. Davis and I would play basketball until my mom made us come in most nights (usually heated games that made dinner a battle of frustration).
I don’t want to put words into Davis’ mouth because he and I have never sat down and discussed these years however I have some thoughts, opinions if you may. The reason I believe Davis and I had such a hard time within these years is that we trying to keep up with the other one. From as long as I can remember Davis and I were different in some specific ways: Davis was bigger than I was, which created him to have an advantage in most sports that we played, so I was playing catch up to try and be as good as my younger brother. I was naturally smarter than Davis (Davis isn’t dumb by any means), school came easy to me and I had to try very little in order to be successful, so Davis was always putting in twice as much work on his education than I was (still the case, he busts his butt in school, I could use more of that).
From there on, everything seemed to be that way, one of us was better at something and it drove the other one crazy! We kept “score” in everything that we did, we wanted to out-do the other one, not wanting the other to have satisfaction in whatever they were doing because we could do it better, faster, or whatever the case may have been.
2004-2008- Treaty of Papaya
We moved the summer before I entered high school, changing our school districts for many reasons but a big one being Davis and Stephen would go to better schools, I don’t believe it changed our high school district so that wasn’t an issue. Something about moving into that house, Davis entering middle school, myself entering high school, brought a peace between us. We all of the sudden hung out with each other and it wasn’t a constant competition. We encouraged each other, we wanted the other to do well in the things we were taking part in, we weren’t keeping “score” of who was doing what and if that was comparable to ourselves. I’ve always said that Davis is more mature than his age in a lot of ways, and this is where I am now realizing it. Davis and I became friends.
Having Davis in high school with me for my senior year, his freshman was an absolute blast! I honestly felt like I knew 2000 or the 2500 that went to our school, in part due to being social and involved but a lot of that came from being around Davis’ group of friends for so long. I got to watch him dominate freshman athletics, and transform from this quiet, shy kid, to a social butterfly (oops). Davis started to hang out with my friends when the opportunity provided itself, there wasn’t much he couldn’t do with me at this point, we were pretty close.
Fall 2008- College Departure
I left for college in August of 2008 and I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into. I wasn’t sure what relationships would be like with me going 500 miles from home. I knew family would always be family but the people I had grown closest to for the first 18 years of my life would now not be around every day. I was worried that things would fade
2008-2011 Bro Times
During these years of me being away Davis and I somehow managed to communicate really well while I was gone. We didn’t talk every day necessarily but 3-4 times a week and we didn’t seem to struggle. Every time I went home for a break we picked right back up where we left off, honestly, we became closer. We spend A LOT of time together during breaks when I’m back and our relationship has increased to something I would have never imagined. We talk about anything and are on the same page it’s scary sometimes.
We don’t think we look alike and most people don’t either, however we have had (on numerous occasion) people ask if we are twins. This is strange to us because in no way do we see that resemblance, however we both think that wouldn’t be so bad. We are 3 years apart, but we act like we are the exact same age. We have become best friends. My parents say “how scary would it be if you two were the same age” and honestly, they are right!
We are pretty legit, I’m not going to sugar coat that so take it as boastful or bragging if you want to, I said it. We are two people that you want to be around, guaranteed smiles and laughs but at the same time can straighten out and get real in a heartbeat. Together Davis and I are enjoyable to be around (so we’re told and I believe).
2011- Tables Turned
Made a trip to Grand Junction, CO for Davis’ defensive workout with Mesa State University. This wasn’t the first time, or the first school, that I had been in this situation. Going through the decision making process and now going through it with Davis, its “not our first rodeo.” However when it’s not you, it’s different. Leaving that weekend, I knew that is where Davis would decide to go to school, where things would work out, and where God would open doors for him.
This weekend I helped move my brother into his dorm room (more like a hotel) and spend the last few days with him. It sucked. I didn’t enjoy much of the actual moving in process, the going with him to admissions, bookstore, etc. He played no role in my dissatisfaction, but he played the entire role. I was doing something for the first time it felt, let go of my younger brother. For the past 48 hours I felt like, for the first time in a long time, that he was younger, lived less life, embarking on new, uncharted territory. I had feelings of anger, hurt, frustration, jealousy, heartache, confusion, joy, peace, all balled into one weekend.
I can’t explain everyone of those emotions for you over the past weekend, that would take a while, but I will say this; you know the headache you get after balling your eyes out, that’s what I’ve felt for the past 3 days thinking about this moment (and I hadn’t cried, well, that hard, until leaving him this morning).
It hurts, it sucks, to leave someone you are that close with, that means that much to you, that you want the absolute best for in everything they do, but you can’t control it. I know that he is in a good place and that he is going to do great things, that’s who he is. It hurts that I can’t physically be there for it, that I will be 15 hours away, trying to do the same thing.
I don’t expect things to change between my brother and I, the love will never fade, and the friendship will continue to grow. Things will be different now though, because he and I are once again on the same level in a sense, college. Last time this was the case, great things happened, I expect nothing less this time around. We’ll see what happens from here, what doors God opens up and where God takes both of us. It sucks that I have been blessed with such an amazing brother and family, such an amazing friend, and such an amazing situation. “If it didn’t suck this bad, it would suck much more”, may be difficult for you reading to comprehend that, but think about it.
Now-
Going to be awesome!
Much Love
This may sounds stupid to some, but if you understood the relationship my brother and I have you may understand a little better, so I’ll attempt to unpack it fairly quick.
1993- Davis born
1993-2001 Davis and I have our little brotherly childhood arguments and disagreements, usually over toys or what’s fair and what isn’t. Typical stuff
2001- Sibling Civil War breaks out
I’m not sure what started this; me pushing Davis into the wall splitting his forehead open or when he hit me in the face with a baseball bat knocking two teeth out… up for further review but we wont get into it, leave it for historians to debate years later.
2001-2004- Battles Break Out
During these years Davis and I had an interesting relationship. Sometimes things were good, but sometimes things were terrible. We got along just fine, nothing that ever needed counseling or interventions (beyond our parents). However it was at a point where Davis and I fought enough for our parents to cancel a family trip to Arizona due to our persistent fighting on summer afternoon. Davis and I would play basketball until my mom made us come in most nights (usually heated games that made dinner a battle of frustration).
I don’t want to put words into Davis’ mouth because he and I have never sat down and discussed these years however I have some thoughts, opinions if you may. The reason I believe Davis and I had such a hard time within these years is that we trying to keep up with the other one. From as long as I can remember Davis and I were different in some specific ways: Davis was bigger than I was, which created him to have an advantage in most sports that we played, so I was playing catch up to try and be as good as my younger brother. I was naturally smarter than Davis (Davis isn’t dumb by any means), school came easy to me and I had to try very little in order to be successful, so Davis was always putting in twice as much work on his education than I was (still the case, he busts his butt in school, I could use more of that).
From there on, everything seemed to be that way, one of us was better at something and it drove the other one crazy! We kept “score” in everything that we did, we wanted to out-do the other one, not wanting the other to have satisfaction in whatever they were doing because we could do it better, faster, or whatever the case may have been.
2004-2008- Treaty of Papaya
We moved the summer before I entered high school, changing our school districts for many reasons but a big one being Davis and Stephen would go to better schools, I don’t believe it changed our high school district so that wasn’t an issue. Something about moving into that house, Davis entering middle school, myself entering high school, brought a peace between us. We all of the sudden hung out with each other and it wasn’t a constant competition. We encouraged each other, we wanted the other to do well in the things we were taking part in, we weren’t keeping “score” of who was doing what and if that was comparable to ourselves. I’ve always said that Davis is more mature than his age in a lot of ways, and this is where I am now realizing it. Davis and I became friends.
Having Davis in high school with me for my senior year, his freshman was an absolute blast! I honestly felt like I knew 2000 or the 2500 that went to our school, in part due to being social and involved but a lot of that came from being around Davis’ group of friends for so long. I got to watch him dominate freshman athletics, and transform from this quiet, shy kid, to a social butterfly (oops). Davis started to hang out with my friends when the opportunity provided itself, there wasn’t much he couldn’t do with me at this point, we were pretty close.
Fall 2008- College Departure
I left for college in August of 2008 and I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into. I wasn’t sure what relationships would be like with me going 500 miles from home. I knew family would always be family but the people I had grown closest to for the first 18 years of my life would now not be around every day. I was worried that things would fade
2008-2011 Bro Times
During these years of me being away Davis and I somehow managed to communicate really well while I was gone. We didn’t talk every day necessarily but 3-4 times a week and we didn’t seem to struggle. Every time I went home for a break we picked right back up where we left off, honestly, we became closer. We spend A LOT of time together during breaks when I’m back and our relationship has increased to something I would have never imagined. We talk about anything and are on the same page it’s scary sometimes.
We don’t think we look alike and most people don’t either, however we have had (on numerous occasion) people ask if we are twins. This is strange to us because in no way do we see that resemblance, however we both think that wouldn’t be so bad. We are 3 years apart, but we act like we are the exact same age. We have become best friends. My parents say “how scary would it be if you two were the same age” and honestly, they are right!
We are pretty legit, I’m not going to sugar coat that so take it as boastful or bragging if you want to, I said it. We are two people that you want to be around, guaranteed smiles and laughs but at the same time can straighten out and get real in a heartbeat. Together Davis and I are enjoyable to be around (so we’re told and I believe).
2011- Tables Turned
Made a trip to Grand Junction, CO for Davis’ defensive workout with Mesa State University. This wasn’t the first time, or the first school, that I had been in this situation. Going through the decision making process and now going through it with Davis, its “not our first rodeo.” However when it’s not you, it’s different. Leaving that weekend, I knew that is where Davis would decide to go to school, where things would work out, and where God would open doors for him.
This weekend I helped move my brother into his dorm room (more like a hotel) and spend the last few days with him. It sucked. I didn’t enjoy much of the actual moving in process, the going with him to admissions, bookstore, etc. He played no role in my dissatisfaction, but he played the entire role. I was doing something for the first time it felt, let go of my younger brother. For the past 48 hours I felt like, for the first time in a long time, that he was younger, lived less life, embarking on new, uncharted territory. I had feelings of anger, hurt, frustration, jealousy, heartache, confusion, joy, peace, all balled into one weekend.
I can’t explain everyone of those emotions for you over the past weekend, that would take a while, but I will say this; you know the headache you get after balling your eyes out, that’s what I’ve felt for the past 3 days thinking about this moment (and I hadn’t cried, well, that hard, until leaving him this morning).
It hurts, it sucks, to leave someone you are that close with, that means that much to you, that you want the absolute best for in everything they do, but you can’t control it. I know that he is in a good place and that he is going to do great things, that’s who he is. It hurts that I can’t physically be there for it, that I will be 15 hours away, trying to do the same thing.
I don’t expect things to change between my brother and I, the love will never fade, and the friendship will continue to grow. Things will be different now though, because he and I are once again on the same level in a sense, college. Last time this was the case, great things happened, I expect nothing less this time around. We’ll see what happens from here, what doors God opens up and where God takes both of us. It sucks that I have been blessed with such an amazing brother and family, such an amazing friend, and such an amazing situation. “If it didn’t suck this bad, it would suck much more”, may be difficult for you reading to comprehend that, but think about it.
Now-
Going to be awesome!
Much Love
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Salvation For Real
I recently got the opportunity to take a group of high school students from Abilene, TX to summer camp through my involvement in Young Life. Some of you will know and recognize Young Life some of you may not. Young Life is a relationship based (Christian non-denominational) ministry that is not directly connected to a specific church. What my role is, as a volunteer leader, is to spend time with high school students, getting to know them, watching them in activities and events, and just hanging out with them when I can (and when they have nothing better to do). As time develops the hope is to have conversations about Jesus Christ and present an opportunity to talk about the things they want to know, struggle with, desire, or question.
This is something I have been doing for a long time; my parents were Young Life leaders and committee members from the day I was born until about the age of 12 or 13. I then became a Wylde Life Leader (Mid-School students) leader as a high school student for almost 3 years. Going to college I became a Young Life leader and started the journey of getting to know students at one specific high school within the area. Ask anyone that does Young Life and they will tell you that it is not easy, but it’s worth it.
While we were at camp, each night after listening to the camp speaker, David Page, we returned to our cabin to have “cabin time”. This is a time to reflect and discuss things we heard and what it meant to us each individually. Cabin time is where I get to get my hands dirty and present insight (or lack there of) on topics we are discussing, these can range from sex to murder or sin to salvation. This one specific night I was having a hard time talking to my guys in my cabin as I looked around the room at a group of high school students from Abilene, TX, the Bible Belt and saw this inward empty feeling. The looks on their faces and their body language hit me as tears filled my eyes; they get it, but there’s more than simply getting it, it has to become real and apparent. I shared with the group of 6 guys with me that I loved them, truly loved them, not this word that we throw around in culture for things we enjoy, but truly loved them and cared deeply for them.
We left cabin time that night to go enjoy a concert by Ryan Long, the musical guest that week at camp, go look up his music, he is incredibly talented. As I stood there at the back of the room while Ryan sang a song with the lyrics “I’m not waving I’m drowning, do you care about me? I’m starting to doubt whether I will be anything” the only thing that I could think about were the dudes in my cabin, is this what they felt. I started to wonder how many of us in that cabin felt that way, I could see the hurt, anger, fear, sadness on their faces. I had to excuse myself from the room and walk outside because tears were flowing from my eyes as I got a glimpse of what I think the Father sees when He looks down on us.
My heart broke, for the first time in my life, for someone’s salvation. My heart broke for the fear of someone not understanding and living that understanding. I was crushed, in every way imaginable, I was broken over this.
I said that I believe I caught a glimpse of what the Father sees when He looks down on our world, on our nation, on our community, on us. He sees us, He sees me, and I understand, I get it, I know what is right and that it’s the only way, but does my life, my actions, my behaviors, my thoughts, and my motives echo that in my actions, in my living? I wish I could say that 100% of the time yes, but that would be a lie, because I have fallen short, we all have. Do I say this to discourage us, no; I say this because I realize that salvation isn’t something passive or to be tempted or messed around with, it’s a serious matter. David Page said during a meeting we had, he said “don’t just exist, live” That opens up a new topic but I will leave with this, we can all exist, that’s easy, challenge yourselves to live. Challenge yourself to not just understand but put that into work in every area. Don’t let heartbreak from the Father happen over you. I’ve caught only a glimpse, a small scale vision of what that is like, and it isn’t a great feeling. Always here to chat more, thanks for reading
Much Love
Austin
This is something I have been doing for a long time; my parents were Young Life leaders and committee members from the day I was born until about the age of 12 or 13. I then became a Wylde Life Leader (Mid-School students) leader as a high school student for almost 3 years. Going to college I became a Young Life leader and started the journey of getting to know students at one specific high school within the area. Ask anyone that does Young Life and they will tell you that it is not easy, but it’s worth it.
While we were at camp, each night after listening to the camp speaker, David Page, we returned to our cabin to have “cabin time”. This is a time to reflect and discuss things we heard and what it meant to us each individually. Cabin time is where I get to get my hands dirty and present insight (or lack there of) on topics we are discussing, these can range from sex to murder or sin to salvation. This one specific night I was having a hard time talking to my guys in my cabin as I looked around the room at a group of high school students from Abilene, TX, the Bible Belt and saw this inward empty feeling. The looks on their faces and their body language hit me as tears filled my eyes; they get it, but there’s more than simply getting it, it has to become real and apparent. I shared with the group of 6 guys with me that I loved them, truly loved them, not this word that we throw around in culture for things we enjoy, but truly loved them and cared deeply for them.
We left cabin time that night to go enjoy a concert by Ryan Long, the musical guest that week at camp, go look up his music, he is incredibly talented. As I stood there at the back of the room while Ryan sang a song with the lyrics “I’m not waving I’m drowning, do you care about me? I’m starting to doubt whether I will be anything” the only thing that I could think about were the dudes in my cabin, is this what they felt. I started to wonder how many of us in that cabin felt that way, I could see the hurt, anger, fear, sadness on their faces. I had to excuse myself from the room and walk outside because tears were flowing from my eyes as I got a glimpse of what I think the Father sees when He looks down on us.
My heart broke, for the first time in my life, for someone’s salvation. My heart broke for the fear of someone not understanding and living that understanding. I was crushed, in every way imaginable, I was broken over this.
I said that I believe I caught a glimpse of what the Father sees when He looks down on our world, on our nation, on our community, on us. He sees us, He sees me, and I understand, I get it, I know what is right and that it’s the only way, but does my life, my actions, my behaviors, my thoughts, and my motives echo that in my actions, in my living? I wish I could say that 100% of the time yes, but that would be a lie, because I have fallen short, we all have. Do I say this to discourage us, no; I say this because I realize that salvation isn’t something passive or to be tempted or messed around with, it’s a serious matter. David Page said during a meeting we had, he said “don’t just exist, live” That opens up a new topic but I will leave with this, we can all exist, that’s easy, challenge yourselves to live. Challenge yourself to not just understand but put that into work in every area. Don’t let heartbreak from the Father happen over you. I’ve caught only a glimpse, a small scale vision of what that is like, and it isn’t a great feeling. Always here to chat more, thanks for reading
Much Love
Austin
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Fear & Fire
For the past month or so, fires that moved into New Mexico have consumed the skies of Albuquerque. Not to mention the lives, homes, land, and lifestyles of so many around the state. However it doesn’t surprise me, look around the world in the past few years and you will see similar stories, floods, hurricanes, earthquakes, drought, you name it.
Recently I was asked how I played in a summer league baseball game by a family friend. When I replied with a shrug of the shoulders and response of 2-4 (2 hits in 4 at bats) I got an excited/encouraging response, yet I didn’t feel satisfied at all. I quickly cut off the friend and informed him that I popped up a bunt and grounded out. It was a quick conversation where our friend couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happy about getting two hits, by baseball standards, hitting .500 is great. While the friend continued to assure me that was good and I continued to point out the negative that I did my dad, who was standing by, quiet this whole time decided to chime in. I don’t remember his exact words but he said something along the lines of this, “is it ever good enough?”
I understood his question and it was half jokingly that he asked and I honestly replied, “no”. I can’t remember the last time I left the baseball field 100% satisfied with my performance, there is always something I wanted to do differently, do better.
Lately, with the fires in NM I have had a thought on my mind. With all of the natural disasters and destruction I have earnestly asked myself the question and I am now voicing it (through a blog) to anyone reading. What if this is all leading towards the end, that the final days are coming, and that Jesus will return sooner than we think. What if this is hinting towards the return of Him? Scary, exciting, perplexing, whatever you want to call it or feel about it, feel free.
Here is the worst part: I’ve laid in bed a couple times that I can remember in the past month or so and asked myself these questions, in fear. Fear because I am typically the last one to go to bed in my house. As I’ve recapped my day, or the day before, I think about the things I’ve done; have I pleased God, or have I sinned? Have I been Christ in the flesh to someone or have I ruined my witness by my actions or words? My fear is this as I’ve laid there in fear thinking these things. There have been nights where I have laid on my bed and thought, “I’m going to wake up tomorrow, alone, because I’m a sinner, and lately, I’ve sinned and I am ashamed.”
Real quick so that you all don’t worry about Austin; yes I know God is forgiving and shows grace that I don’t deserve as long as I confess my sins. Got it. But asking forgiveness and falling at the Father’s feet means NOTHING if I wont COMPLETELY turn from the sins that I commit and fall to and run the opposite direction.
I don’t mean to strike fear into anyone but if that is what this is doing, welcome to the club!
As I’ve thought about this, feared this, I’m finding encouragement in the words my father said that night. He asked me if “it was good enough”, my performance on the baseball field. The answer is no, never will it be, that’s the nature of the game unfortunately. That’s the nature of life though folks, because we will NEVER be good enough for Christ, yet we are at the same time.
My challenge is never be “good enough”, at anything you do. Be the best, be the best for Him and for His glory so that at the end of the day, you lay there and wonder if the end is near (nearer than you think maybe), and you close your eyes knowing that today, you went all out, you did your absolute best, and that God thinks you did “good enough”. We’re human, so I can’t imagine He expects too much out of us honestly, he knows how filthy and pathetic we are, but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t expect us to do great things, be great, and pursue greatness. Maybe this blog was a lot packed into one.
I hope there was some encouragement in this for someone
"God I want to know You more, maybe this is how it starts"- Josh Wilson's Fall Apart
Much Love
Recently I was asked how I played in a summer league baseball game by a family friend. When I replied with a shrug of the shoulders and response of 2-4 (2 hits in 4 at bats) I got an excited/encouraging response, yet I didn’t feel satisfied at all. I quickly cut off the friend and informed him that I popped up a bunt and grounded out. It was a quick conversation where our friend couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happy about getting two hits, by baseball standards, hitting .500 is great. While the friend continued to assure me that was good and I continued to point out the negative that I did my dad, who was standing by, quiet this whole time decided to chime in. I don’t remember his exact words but he said something along the lines of this, “is it ever good enough?”
I understood his question and it was half jokingly that he asked and I honestly replied, “no”. I can’t remember the last time I left the baseball field 100% satisfied with my performance, there is always something I wanted to do differently, do better.
Lately, with the fires in NM I have had a thought on my mind. With all of the natural disasters and destruction I have earnestly asked myself the question and I am now voicing it (through a blog) to anyone reading. What if this is all leading towards the end, that the final days are coming, and that Jesus will return sooner than we think. What if this is hinting towards the return of Him? Scary, exciting, perplexing, whatever you want to call it or feel about it, feel free.
Here is the worst part: I’ve laid in bed a couple times that I can remember in the past month or so and asked myself these questions, in fear. Fear because I am typically the last one to go to bed in my house. As I’ve recapped my day, or the day before, I think about the things I’ve done; have I pleased God, or have I sinned? Have I been Christ in the flesh to someone or have I ruined my witness by my actions or words? My fear is this as I’ve laid there in fear thinking these things. There have been nights where I have laid on my bed and thought, “I’m going to wake up tomorrow, alone, because I’m a sinner, and lately, I’ve sinned and I am ashamed.”
Real quick so that you all don’t worry about Austin; yes I know God is forgiving and shows grace that I don’t deserve as long as I confess my sins. Got it. But asking forgiveness and falling at the Father’s feet means NOTHING if I wont COMPLETELY turn from the sins that I commit and fall to and run the opposite direction.
I don’t mean to strike fear into anyone but if that is what this is doing, welcome to the club!
As I’ve thought about this, feared this, I’m finding encouragement in the words my father said that night. He asked me if “it was good enough”, my performance on the baseball field. The answer is no, never will it be, that’s the nature of the game unfortunately. That’s the nature of life though folks, because we will NEVER be good enough for Christ, yet we are at the same time.
My challenge is never be “good enough”, at anything you do. Be the best, be the best for Him and for His glory so that at the end of the day, you lay there and wonder if the end is near (nearer than you think maybe), and you close your eyes knowing that today, you went all out, you did your absolute best, and that God thinks you did “good enough”. We’re human, so I can’t imagine He expects too much out of us honestly, he knows how filthy and pathetic we are, but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t expect us to do great things, be great, and pursue greatness. Maybe this blog was a lot packed into one.
I hope there was some encouragement in this for someone
"God I want to know You more, maybe this is how it starts"- Josh Wilson's Fall Apart
Much Love
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Find Favor
The other night I attended an Albuquerque Isotopes game with some members of my family and we sat in the nosebleeds, as far down the line as it gets. Not terrible seats but not great by any means. My cousin Paul noticed some seats across the diamond on the lower level about 8 rows up that were wide open. He suggested we move down there, why not right? So as we took the move in two shifts, Paul, his wife and son, and myself making the first attempt I shared with them my story of a Yankees@Rangers series where we sat 3 rows up from Nolan Ryan one night and 5 behind the Yankee on deck circle the following night.
It was then that the discussion began, and the thoughts raced.
My cousin Paul turned to me and asked, “So Austin, why do you think you are so favored?” At first I didn’t understand what he was saying and thought he was trying to joke so I laughed and said, “What do you mean?” He followed with what I’ve never realized or examined until that moment, “Why do you think things go your way so often, whether that be free things or good seats.” I understood the question, but I didn’t know how to respond to him. I sort of shrugged my shoulders and laughed it off but my head was moving a million miles a minute. It’s hard to determine biblically what to take from it, Romans tells us straight up that God does not show favoritism, but then you see it everywhere in the Bible that God takes favor in “those who do good” ,“those who love Him”, etc. I’m not going to get into the difference between favoritism and showing favor, hopefully that can be determined fairly easily.
This question I was asked has been bouncing around my head because I haven’t ever thought that I was favored. For one, the thought never crossed my mind, I never considered that God was giving me little gifts, showing me how much He loves me and cares about me through the little things. More often then not, especially recently I have been focusing on the “negative” things that have been holding me down a little bit. You know what I’m talking about, the things that don’t leave your mind and affect every aspect of your day no matter how hard you try to let them go. When I have so many good things going on in my life, one thing, that isn’t going exactly how I want it, is what I cannot get off my mind. Funny when I feel so weighed down and people are seeing me as “favored”. So who is right?
As it step back and look at the big picture of everything in my life, even few things not going exactly how I wish they were, I have a lot of great things in my life and I’m extremely favored. I used the expression with a friend recently that “that was one of the top 5 hardest things I’ve ever done. Thank God for my friends keeping me in check without even knowing it, the response I got was, what are the other 4? Needless to say I could only come up with 2 things, not bad for 21 years of life.
Maybe you have been feeling like me lately, like why can’t this or that be going the way you want. Take a step back, how much is actually going well, how many little gifts (that we don’t deserve, that I don’t deserve) are you getting and not even realizing?
Everything is according to a bigger plan, sometimes I don’t get that, sometimes I don’t like that. But that’s ok, God is going to show me how much He loves me and how much He has control even when I am not sure.
The 7 of us moved down the third base line, 8 rows up from the grass that night. Another example of the favor I am shown. Now its time to be thankful and recognize it all.
Much Love
It was then that the discussion began, and the thoughts raced.
My cousin Paul turned to me and asked, “So Austin, why do you think you are so favored?” At first I didn’t understand what he was saying and thought he was trying to joke so I laughed and said, “What do you mean?” He followed with what I’ve never realized or examined until that moment, “Why do you think things go your way so often, whether that be free things or good seats.” I understood the question, but I didn’t know how to respond to him. I sort of shrugged my shoulders and laughed it off but my head was moving a million miles a minute. It’s hard to determine biblically what to take from it, Romans tells us straight up that God does not show favoritism, but then you see it everywhere in the Bible that God takes favor in “those who do good” ,“those who love Him”, etc. I’m not going to get into the difference between favoritism and showing favor, hopefully that can be determined fairly easily.
This question I was asked has been bouncing around my head because I haven’t ever thought that I was favored. For one, the thought never crossed my mind, I never considered that God was giving me little gifts, showing me how much He loves me and cares about me through the little things. More often then not, especially recently I have been focusing on the “negative” things that have been holding me down a little bit. You know what I’m talking about, the things that don’t leave your mind and affect every aspect of your day no matter how hard you try to let them go. When I have so many good things going on in my life, one thing, that isn’t going exactly how I want it, is what I cannot get off my mind. Funny when I feel so weighed down and people are seeing me as “favored”. So who is right?
As it step back and look at the big picture of everything in my life, even few things not going exactly how I wish they were, I have a lot of great things in my life and I’m extremely favored. I used the expression with a friend recently that “that was one of the top 5 hardest things I’ve ever done. Thank God for my friends keeping me in check without even knowing it, the response I got was, what are the other 4? Needless to say I could only come up with 2 things, not bad for 21 years of life.
Maybe you have been feeling like me lately, like why can’t this or that be going the way you want. Take a step back, how much is actually going well, how many little gifts (that we don’t deserve, that I don’t deserve) are you getting and not even realizing?
Everything is according to a bigger plan, sometimes I don’t get that, sometimes I don’t like that. But that’s ok, God is going to show me how much He loves me and how much He has control even when I am not sure.
The 7 of us moved down the third base line, 8 rows up from the grass that night. Another example of the favor I am shown. Now its time to be thankful and recognize it all.
Much Love
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Lifesaver....literally
Greetings, I hope everyone reading this is doing well, by that I mean healthy, smiling, and thankful to be alive. I know I am.
Last night we started a study with College Young Life here in Albuquerque. Going through a video series based on the identity of Jesus, who He is, what He did, what He was about, etc. Though I had to leave early before we had discussion about the video my brother and I talked about it.
Though I can’t (wont) give you a run down of everything that the video covered the main message was that Jesus claimed He was a lot of things. Sinless, healer, miracle-man, but ultimate, Jesus claimed that He WAS/IS God. Pretty bold, all of those statements, so it begs the question, do you believe Him? Do you believe that above all of those other things, that He was and is God?
Davis and I left and discussed it for a while and I will share some of that with you.
We both, without a doubt in our minds and no hesitation, believe that He was/is God. Based on what the lesson covered as well as our own perception and understanding of what the Bible tells us and how Jesus lived. You see Jesus did it with his actions and His words. That’s an awesome topic that this blog isn’t about and I won’t venture off too.
About two weeks ago I drove down to Isotopes Park to watch a game with some friends and family in the suites (generous gift from a family friend). The game was fun and all was good. We left the park last night and piled into my Acura. Myself, two friends, and my youngest brother. As I pulled out of the parking lot, something didn’t feel right, something about the car. Right off the bat I felt like the right front tire was flat, but that couldn’t be the case because I had just had them filled a week before. Also, it sat in a parking space for the entire game and it was full when we got there, so I assured myself that it was fine and I was imagining it.
I pulled onto University along side the PIT the popular decision would be to turn left to get to I25 and head home. That is the quickest way home and so that was my plan. However, much to my frustration I couldn’t get over to the left lane in time and had to go through the light and continue on University, no big deal, it will hook up with I40 and I’ll take the longer route home (adds 5-10 minutes to my trip). Then I hit Lead… detour up Lead, couldn’t even get to I40, so now I am very frustrated as my trip will be even more delayed. For those of you that know me well enough to know my driving approach, get there fast and safe is a nice incentive.
As I drive up the street I cannot get over on any side street to meet up with the freeway, so I am driving in residential neighborhoods at 25mph (I was probably going 30-35 admittedly). All this time I had forgotten that my tire had felt funny and the car seemed to be pulling to the right, I assumed it was the ’97 Acura showing it’s age. Needless to say, I finally reached Academy and Osuna and was back on track to get home. I decided it was a nice night so why not roll down the windows and play the music and have some fun, after all, we had been in the car for nearly a half hour already on what is usually a 15 minute drive.
It was at this time I heard the scraping of my rim on the pavement as I made a turn, and I knew, that tire was completely flat. I rolled into a gas station and it was fixed.
Boring story I know, but here is the kicker. That tire was deflating from the time I pulled out of my parking space at Isotopes that night. Had I gotten onto I25 like I originally planned or even I40 as a back up plan, that tire wouldn’t have lasted 2 minutes. I believe, that tired would have blown with me driving 60+, with two friends and my youngest brother in the car. We may not have made it home alive had I gotten on the freeway(s) that night.
Here’s why I share that. Because I do believe that Jesus was God, all powerful and all knowing. He knew that night that I wanted to be on the freeway getting home as fast as possible, He also knew that if I did that, I’d be dead or seriously injured as well as the other 3 lives in the car in danger. He saved me that night, literally. It wasn’t luck, it wasn’t fate, it wasn’t destiny, or any other word you want to use that the world would throw around to describe how coincidental that was. It was by His grace and unbelievable love for me that He saved my life, and the lives of the others in that car.
So you tell me if you believe, because if you can even hear that and not believe…. Then I guess you haven’t examined your own life close enough to see how He has saved you, literally, and figuratively.
I’m not debating faith or religion, because there’s no debate to be had. Think what you want, but I encourage you, no I beg you, to seriously consider what you believe.
Much Love
Last night we started a study with College Young Life here in Albuquerque. Going through a video series based on the identity of Jesus, who He is, what He did, what He was about, etc. Though I had to leave early before we had discussion about the video my brother and I talked about it.
Though I can’t (wont) give you a run down of everything that the video covered the main message was that Jesus claimed He was a lot of things. Sinless, healer, miracle-man, but ultimate, Jesus claimed that He WAS/IS God. Pretty bold, all of those statements, so it begs the question, do you believe Him? Do you believe that above all of those other things, that He was and is God?
Davis and I left and discussed it for a while and I will share some of that with you.
We both, without a doubt in our minds and no hesitation, believe that He was/is God. Based on what the lesson covered as well as our own perception and understanding of what the Bible tells us and how Jesus lived. You see Jesus did it with his actions and His words. That’s an awesome topic that this blog isn’t about and I won’t venture off too.
About two weeks ago I drove down to Isotopes Park to watch a game with some friends and family in the suites (generous gift from a family friend). The game was fun and all was good. We left the park last night and piled into my Acura. Myself, two friends, and my youngest brother. As I pulled out of the parking lot, something didn’t feel right, something about the car. Right off the bat I felt like the right front tire was flat, but that couldn’t be the case because I had just had them filled a week before. Also, it sat in a parking space for the entire game and it was full when we got there, so I assured myself that it was fine and I was imagining it.
I pulled onto University along side the PIT the popular decision would be to turn left to get to I25 and head home. That is the quickest way home and so that was my plan. However, much to my frustration I couldn’t get over to the left lane in time and had to go through the light and continue on University, no big deal, it will hook up with I40 and I’ll take the longer route home (adds 5-10 minutes to my trip). Then I hit Lead… detour up Lead, couldn’t even get to I40, so now I am very frustrated as my trip will be even more delayed. For those of you that know me well enough to know my driving approach, get there fast and safe is a nice incentive.
As I drive up the street I cannot get over on any side street to meet up with the freeway, so I am driving in residential neighborhoods at 25mph (I was probably going 30-35 admittedly). All this time I had forgotten that my tire had felt funny and the car seemed to be pulling to the right, I assumed it was the ’97 Acura showing it’s age. Needless to say, I finally reached Academy and Osuna and was back on track to get home. I decided it was a nice night so why not roll down the windows and play the music and have some fun, after all, we had been in the car for nearly a half hour already on what is usually a 15 minute drive.
It was at this time I heard the scraping of my rim on the pavement as I made a turn, and I knew, that tire was completely flat. I rolled into a gas station and it was fixed.
Boring story I know, but here is the kicker. That tire was deflating from the time I pulled out of my parking space at Isotopes that night. Had I gotten onto I25 like I originally planned or even I40 as a back up plan, that tire wouldn’t have lasted 2 minutes. I believe, that tired would have blown with me driving 60+, with two friends and my youngest brother in the car. We may not have made it home alive had I gotten on the freeway(s) that night.
Here’s why I share that. Because I do believe that Jesus was God, all powerful and all knowing. He knew that night that I wanted to be on the freeway getting home as fast as possible, He also knew that if I did that, I’d be dead or seriously injured as well as the other 3 lives in the car in danger. He saved me that night, literally. It wasn’t luck, it wasn’t fate, it wasn’t destiny, or any other word you want to use that the world would throw around to describe how coincidental that was. It was by His grace and unbelievable love for me that He saved my life, and the lives of the others in that car.
So you tell me if you believe, because if you can even hear that and not believe…. Then I guess you haven’t examined your own life close enough to see how He has saved you, literally, and figuratively.
I’m not debating faith or religion, because there’s no debate to be had. Think what you want, but I encourage you, no I beg you, to seriously consider what you believe.
Much Love
Monday, May 23, 2011
Center Focus
Being back home in Albuquerque is great, everyone that knows me knows how I feel about being able to come back and what it means to me. Here is what some don’t know, the one thing I can’t stand about coming back here, is the driving.
Abilene and Albuquerque differ in almost every way, but driving is the one that gets me the most. In Abilene, I’m never afraid of getting blind-sided, side-swiped, rear-ended, or being cut off. In Albuquerque, from the time I turn the car on, I am playing defense for my life. Exaggeration, somewhat, accurate though none the less. I will end my tangent on the statement of this; drivers in New Mexico are typically below average. I said it, so deal with it. And if you don’t agree with me, you are one of the drivers I have a hard time dealing with, sorry, much love.
I was driving down I40 just the other day and for the first time since I’ve been home I felt as if I was driving down a street in Abilene. Everyone was moving the same speed (or close to), no one was swerving in and out of lanes trying to get to the most important thing at that moment, and I wasn’t constantly having to check my mirrors for the next person who may be looking to make my life miserable and nerve racking. So I began to think, “How is this happening?” Like I stated before, everyone was going close to the same speed, why, it’s the law. This thing called the speed limit.
When driving everyone is aware there is something called the speed limit (or so you would think, joke). Everyone is to center their driving around that speed, the rest of the driving laws fall in place, signaling, yielding, etc. But I want to focus on the fact that the main center of driving safely/commonly is because of the speed limit.
As I was driving down I40, I was going close to the speed limit (rare for me in Albuquerque I must admit) and the cars surrounding me were as well. We were traveling smoothly, care-free, and everything was good with that.
Here’s the life spin on how that relates to our lives, get ready for this!
I hope I can do justice to the thought that has been spinning in my head since this happened.
Our lives, my life (I’ll speak for myself), is focused around something, faith. My life is focused around my relationship with Jesus Christ. I live my life, and do the things I do, with Christ at the center of all of them, to glorify Him. I’ve noticed and I’ve written before that I have many flaws and hard times in my walk, and here’s what I’ve come to realize as I sat in my car, driving down I40.
When traffic is moving the way it was, I had to look around to make sure it was real, that things were actually going that well, that it was really happening without flaws and life threatening events. Then a car came into my mirror, going at least 10 over, swerving in and out of traffic, passing everyone any way he could. That green explorer was zooming in and out, bypassing everyone, legally, illegally, and mostly, without consideration for anyone around him.
I have a lot of moving parts in my life, lots of things going on and constantly happening at one time, with me left to try to balance and coordinate it all. I hope by now you have caught on to what I am trying to point out, but if not, here it is.
The speed limit (should be) is the center of driving, and when everyone follows that, things move smoothly and in the manner they were supposed to happen. God is (should be) at the center of all the things in my life. When I give Him control of everything, things seem to go pretty good, obviously, because its according to His plan. But when I put one thing in a place of more importance than another, it is just like that green Explorer swerving in and out of traffic. When I put one thing at a higher importance that God at any given moment, things start to lose balance, things don’t go how they were supposed to. All it takes is one thing, and everything around it will start to shake and seem to change, usually not for the better.
I know that may not be clear, you had to be there maybe, but my closing is this:
Don’t let anything become more important than another, focus it all around God, and He will coordinate what is going to happen and when it is going to happen. Keep your eyes fixed
Much Love
Abilene and Albuquerque differ in almost every way, but driving is the one that gets me the most. In Abilene, I’m never afraid of getting blind-sided, side-swiped, rear-ended, or being cut off. In Albuquerque, from the time I turn the car on, I am playing defense for my life. Exaggeration, somewhat, accurate though none the less. I will end my tangent on the statement of this; drivers in New Mexico are typically below average. I said it, so deal with it. And if you don’t agree with me, you are one of the drivers I have a hard time dealing with, sorry, much love.
I was driving down I40 just the other day and for the first time since I’ve been home I felt as if I was driving down a street in Abilene. Everyone was moving the same speed (or close to), no one was swerving in and out of lanes trying to get to the most important thing at that moment, and I wasn’t constantly having to check my mirrors for the next person who may be looking to make my life miserable and nerve racking. So I began to think, “How is this happening?” Like I stated before, everyone was going close to the same speed, why, it’s the law. This thing called the speed limit.
When driving everyone is aware there is something called the speed limit (or so you would think, joke). Everyone is to center their driving around that speed, the rest of the driving laws fall in place, signaling, yielding, etc. But I want to focus on the fact that the main center of driving safely/commonly is because of the speed limit.
As I was driving down I40, I was going close to the speed limit (rare for me in Albuquerque I must admit) and the cars surrounding me were as well. We were traveling smoothly, care-free, and everything was good with that.
Here’s the life spin on how that relates to our lives, get ready for this!
I hope I can do justice to the thought that has been spinning in my head since this happened.
Our lives, my life (I’ll speak for myself), is focused around something, faith. My life is focused around my relationship with Jesus Christ. I live my life, and do the things I do, with Christ at the center of all of them, to glorify Him. I’ve noticed and I’ve written before that I have many flaws and hard times in my walk, and here’s what I’ve come to realize as I sat in my car, driving down I40.
When traffic is moving the way it was, I had to look around to make sure it was real, that things were actually going that well, that it was really happening without flaws and life threatening events. Then a car came into my mirror, going at least 10 over, swerving in and out of traffic, passing everyone any way he could. That green explorer was zooming in and out, bypassing everyone, legally, illegally, and mostly, without consideration for anyone around him.
I have a lot of moving parts in my life, lots of things going on and constantly happening at one time, with me left to try to balance and coordinate it all. I hope by now you have caught on to what I am trying to point out, but if not, here it is.
The speed limit (should be) is the center of driving, and when everyone follows that, things move smoothly and in the manner they were supposed to happen. God is (should be) at the center of all the things in my life. When I give Him control of everything, things seem to go pretty good, obviously, because its according to His plan. But when I put one thing in a place of more importance than another, it is just like that green Explorer swerving in and out of traffic. When I put one thing at a higher importance that God at any given moment, things start to lose balance, things don’t go how they were supposed to. All it takes is one thing, and everything around it will start to shake and seem to change, usually not for the better.
I know that may not be clear, you had to be there maybe, but my closing is this:
Don’t let anything become more important than another, focus it all around God, and He will coordinate what is going to happen and when it is going to happen. Keep your eyes fixed
Much Love
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Bigger Than Baseball
Last night I was involved in the most outrageous, incredible, stressful, thrilling, and utterly draining game of my entire life. I truly believe I will never play in a game that will mirror that (lets hope) for the fact that I’d rather take care of business in a more common fashion. There are two things I want to hit on though so stick with me.
1: We played a game last night that lasted 14 innings and took nearly 5 hours. We were leading in the game for 3 innings out of those 14. We came back in the last inning to push another inning 4 separate times. 18 roster players were used in the game. Miss College had 1 past ball all weekend, and it scored a tying run to push another inning. We made base running mistakes, defensive errors, missed spots pitching, didn’t get bunts down, the list goes on. We won the entire series by a score of 32-31. You can name off things I left out I know, but you think about this, we STILL won the game, and won the series. This TEAM was on its last pitch numerous times, this TEAM could have given up down 3 runs in the 9th, a run in the 11th, or down 2 runs in the 12th and 13th, but we didn’t. That’s not normal, teams don’t win a series the way this team did. Team’s don’t play games like that to advance, if I’m wrong please tell me what team and when (don’t even think about bringing up the Red Sox down 3-0, that’s old news and weak on so many levels). But you tell me if you have ever been apart of something like last night (for those of you there-thank you by the way to all the fans/supporters of HSU Baseball). This TEAM is special, this TEAM has something other team’s don’t. I can’t put a finger on exactly what it is but I do know this, God was at John J. Hunter Field last night watching over the Cowboys, and He wasn’t done with this TEAM.
2. You can believe what you want, you can tell me that “that’s baseball” and “miracles can happen” or “anything is possible”. Frankly, I’ll agree with you, but only to an extent. I do believe that in the great game of baseball that I love anything can happen, and anyone can win on any day, and crazy things can happen. But I do believe in a higher power. Last night I looked at guys in the dugout and we agreed, something bigger was taking place (long before the 14th inning). Something bigger than the men in the dugout was there last night. We talk about playing for a higher glory, the eternal glory, His glory. Talk is cheap, we’ve all heard that, and last night there was more than talk that happened. Don’t get me wrong here, I am not saying that it was us that won the game, however it was Him, in us. Him, in our team, in our dugout, in our purpose. God wasn’t done with the HSU Cowboys last night down 6-3 in the 9th inning. He wasn’t done with the baseball that we are going to play for His glory, He wasn’t done getting his glory through us.
Last night in Abilene, TX, God showed up to Hunter Field at Hardin-Simmons University for more than just 14 innings, he showed up at 12pm when we took the field to run/stretch/throw. He showed up and carried us for over 10 hours of baseball that up to this point, has defined our season. Phil 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. Cliché? Maybe. But last night, I don’t think we can disagree that God was with us all, and He carried us to a victory when it looked (plenty of times) that the clock had struck midnight on our season.
This team isn’t done yet, the best is still yet to come, can’t wait to see what we do in Dallas! “Blessed is the man who perseveres”
Much Love
1: We played a game last night that lasted 14 innings and took nearly 5 hours. We were leading in the game for 3 innings out of those 14. We came back in the last inning to push another inning 4 separate times. 18 roster players were used in the game. Miss College had 1 past ball all weekend, and it scored a tying run to push another inning. We made base running mistakes, defensive errors, missed spots pitching, didn’t get bunts down, the list goes on. We won the entire series by a score of 32-31. You can name off things I left out I know, but you think about this, we STILL won the game, and won the series. This TEAM was on its last pitch numerous times, this TEAM could have given up down 3 runs in the 9th, a run in the 11th, or down 2 runs in the 12th and 13th, but we didn’t. That’s not normal, teams don’t win a series the way this team did. Team’s don’t play games like that to advance, if I’m wrong please tell me what team and when (don’t even think about bringing up the Red Sox down 3-0, that’s old news and weak on so many levels). But you tell me if you have ever been apart of something like last night (for those of you there-thank you by the way to all the fans/supporters of HSU Baseball). This TEAM is special, this TEAM has something other team’s don’t. I can’t put a finger on exactly what it is but I do know this, God was at John J. Hunter Field last night watching over the Cowboys, and He wasn’t done with this TEAM.
2. You can believe what you want, you can tell me that “that’s baseball” and “miracles can happen” or “anything is possible”. Frankly, I’ll agree with you, but only to an extent. I do believe that in the great game of baseball that I love anything can happen, and anyone can win on any day, and crazy things can happen. But I do believe in a higher power. Last night I looked at guys in the dugout and we agreed, something bigger was taking place (long before the 14th inning). Something bigger than the men in the dugout was there last night. We talk about playing for a higher glory, the eternal glory, His glory. Talk is cheap, we’ve all heard that, and last night there was more than talk that happened. Don’t get me wrong here, I am not saying that it was us that won the game, however it was Him, in us. Him, in our team, in our dugout, in our purpose. God wasn’t done with the HSU Cowboys last night down 6-3 in the 9th inning. He wasn’t done with the baseball that we are going to play for His glory, He wasn’t done getting his glory through us.
Last night in Abilene, TX, God showed up to Hunter Field at Hardin-Simmons University for more than just 14 innings, he showed up at 12pm when we took the field to run/stretch/throw. He showed up and carried us for over 10 hours of baseball that up to this point, has defined our season. Phil 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. Cliché? Maybe. But last night, I don’t think we can disagree that God was with us all, and He carried us to a victory when it looked (plenty of times) that the clock had struck midnight on our season.
This team isn’t done yet, the best is still yet to come, can’t wait to see what we do in Dallas! “Blessed is the man who perseveres”
Much Love
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Call it random, call it scattered, call it what you will
I’m going to be short and sweet tonight. Kind of on this emotional roller coaster with everything going on that seems to be hitting me at once. Making lists doesn’t help, trying to have a set schedule isn’t working, and relaxing and letting things happen is a struggle (those of you who know me, not surprising that I can’t cope with not being in control, I know)
Easter is this weekend, and I think of how I wish I was spending that time with my family back home. Going to church, having brunch, watching my little cousins easter egg hunt, getting an Easter basket from my mom and dad, the whole aspect of Easter I miss. Growing up is hard sometimes, but I’m ok with not being home.
We’ve all heard the Easter story at this point I’m sure so I wont give a full overview, but what has been on my heart lately, in more revealing ways than I have been able to admit and come to terms with, is this: Jesus died for my sins, your sins, the world’s sins. But here’s the thing that gets me, Jesus was FULLY COMMITTED to dying on the cross for people He didn’t know, for things that were not His fault, for things that are disgusting, shady, and evil. He was fully committed to His Father’s plan. Yes, He struggled with it and asked if there were any other was that the sin’s of the world could be forgiven and we could spend eternity in Heaven, but God’s plan was for Him to die. And He did, fully committed, 100%, all out.
Here is why I am so frustrated lately, get ready for this, I’m not 100% committed to that same Father in Heaven. Don’t freak out, I’m still a Christian and nothing has changed in that sense. C.S. Lewis wrote about Christianity almost 70 years ago, and he said that the word “Christian” would become loosely used if we weren’t careful. He meant that it would become labeling someone as a “good Christian” or “bad Christian” based on their most recent life. C.S. Lewis was a smart man, and that’s why he also said that that is a load of bull (not his words there, he’s more grammatically correct than I). He said that you’re either 100% or 0%. And lately, and often, I am 0% because I am not 100%. So tonight I write this because I am so sick and tired of being anything less than 100% for God and His kingdom. 99% isn’t good enough, hard for me to admit because I would love to get a 99% on just about anything. But it’s not enough to not leave everything I have in the one true hope, to not pursue Him as hard as I can, to not share Him as often as I can, to not meditate and pray about everything in my life, to trust wholeheartedly that He will take care of me no matter what!
Why would you give anything less than everything you have, Jesus did. Aren’t we called to be like Christ?
Challenge yourself to ask the question constantly, am I giving 100% to God?
Well, so much for being short and to the point, I tried!
Much Love
Easter is this weekend, and I think of how I wish I was spending that time with my family back home. Going to church, having brunch, watching my little cousins easter egg hunt, getting an Easter basket from my mom and dad, the whole aspect of Easter I miss. Growing up is hard sometimes, but I’m ok with not being home.
We’ve all heard the Easter story at this point I’m sure so I wont give a full overview, but what has been on my heart lately, in more revealing ways than I have been able to admit and come to terms with, is this: Jesus died for my sins, your sins, the world’s sins. But here’s the thing that gets me, Jesus was FULLY COMMITTED to dying on the cross for people He didn’t know, for things that were not His fault, for things that are disgusting, shady, and evil. He was fully committed to His Father’s plan. Yes, He struggled with it and asked if there were any other was that the sin’s of the world could be forgiven and we could spend eternity in Heaven, but God’s plan was for Him to die. And He did, fully committed, 100%, all out.
Here is why I am so frustrated lately, get ready for this, I’m not 100% committed to that same Father in Heaven. Don’t freak out, I’m still a Christian and nothing has changed in that sense. C.S. Lewis wrote about Christianity almost 70 years ago, and he said that the word “Christian” would become loosely used if we weren’t careful. He meant that it would become labeling someone as a “good Christian” or “bad Christian” based on their most recent life. C.S. Lewis was a smart man, and that’s why he also said that that is a load of bull (not his words there, he’s more grammatically correct than I). He said that you’re either 100% or 0%. And lately, and often, I am 0% because I am not 100%. So tonight I write this because I am so sick and tired of being anything less than 100% for God and His kingdom. 99% isn’t good enough, hard for me to admit because I would love to get a 99% on just about anything. But it’s not enough to not leave everything I have in the one true hope, to not pursue Him as hard as I can, to not share Him as often as I can, to not meditate and pray about everything in my life, to trust wholeheartedly that He will take care of me no matter what!
Why would you give anything less than everything you have, Jesus did. Aren’t we called to be like Christ?
Challenge yourself to ask the question constantly, am I giving 100% to God?
Well, so much for being short and to the point, I tried!
Much Love
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Hear this
Recently I’ve been on this re-occurring thought of love and what that is really supposed to mean. It’s been on my mind through Kiefer, reading C.S. Lewis, Young Life recently, and Beltway. The combination is really challenging my thoughts and views of love and what that is supposed to mean, I think I have figured something out. Life is hard
No, I didn’t figure out that life is hard, I already knew that, you already knew that, we all know that. But here’s the thing, it’s not as hard as I make it, I’m the one making things so difficult and stressful on my own. I was sitting in Beltway two weeks ago and the message entitled “Zeal for God’s House”. The message was amazing, and a lot was covered but what stuck with me was this. Jesus wasn’t always nice, because we serve a jealous God, who loves us too much to make everything “easy” for us, a God who is too just to let our sinful ways as human beings be ok with Him and to smooth everything out for us. Just reminds me of Boy Meets World, “life’s tough, get a helmet”.
Here’s my point that I want to get to and may not be fully understood through this blog, that’s why you can contact me if you want/need. The God of the universe loves me so much and wants what is best for me so much, that He is jealous that I care so much about other things. Don’t misunderstand this, hang with me. I put A LOT into the role baseball plays in my life. People have asked me through numerous injuries, frustrations, etc, “why are you still playing?” My typical response: “I love it too much to stop playing”. Here is where I get put in check, if I love baseball that much, if I put that much into baseball, am I doing it the right way? By that I mean, am I playing baseball for God’s glory? Is the time I spend lifting, running, sweating, hitting, throwing, fielding, stretching, rehabbing, everything, is that time glorifying God? Most of the time I would say yes, but if things are hard with baseball, maybe I need to re-examine if God is really at the center of my baseball. Take this and put it to the test in other areas of your life, go ahead.
Unfortunately, I’m humbled by the fact that I truly believe that God wants me to love and pursue Him FAR MORE than I love and pursue baseball. That is where I have fallen extremely short. Yes, I give God glory for allowing me to play baseball, but if through everything I am not 100% committed to making Him the #1 through other things. I’ve failed and….. life will be hard, this isn’t just about baseball, you can look at any area where you are currently in a storm. I honestly believe that things in our life are hard because He is not truly at the center of them, that He is not being given 100%. He gives and He takes away, and He will get the glory no matter what. So why not allow Him to do it in a way that isn’t painful, stressful, and frustrating!
Alright, that’s all for now!
Much Love
No, I didn’t figure out that life is hard, I already knew that, you already knew that, we all know that. But here’s the thing, it’s not as hard as I make it, I’m the one making things so difficult and stressful on my own. I was sitting in Beltway two weeks ago and the message entitled “Zeal for God’s House”. The message was amazing, and a lot was covered but what stuck with me was this. Jesus wasn’t always nice, because we serve a jealous God, who loves us too much to make everything “easy” for us, a God who is too just to let our sinful ways as human beings be ok with Him and to smooth everything out for us. Just reminds me of Boy Meets World, “life’s tough, get a helmet”.
Here’s my point that I want to get to and may not be fully understood through this blog, that’s why you can contact me if you want/need. The God of the universe loves me so much and wants what is best for me so much, that He is jealous that I care so much about other things. Don’t misunderstand this, hang with me. I put A LOT into the role baseball plays in my life. People have asked me through numerous injuries, frustrations, etc, “why are you still playing?” My typical response: “I love it too much to stop playing”. Here is where I get put in check, if I love baseball that much, if I put that much into baseball, am I doing it the right way? By that I mean, am I playing baseball for God’s glory? Is the time I spend lifting, running, sweating, hitting, throwing, fielding, stretching, rehabbing, everything, is that time glorifying God? Most of the time I would say yes, but if things are hard with baseball, maybe I need to re-examine if God is really at the center of my baseball. Take this and put it to the test in other areas of your life, go ahead.
Unfortunately, I’m humbled by the fact that I truly believe that God wants me to love and pursue Him FAR MORE than I love and pursue baseball. That is where I have fallen extremely short. Yes, I give God glory for allowing me to play baseball, but if through everything I am not 100% committed to making Him the #1 through other things. I’ve failed and….. life will be hard, this isn’t just about baseball, you can look at any area where you are currently in a storm. I honestly believe that things in our life are hard because He is not truly at the center of them, that He is not being given 100%. He gives and He takes away, and He will get the glory no matter what. So why not allow Him to do it in a way that isn’t painful, stressful, and frustrating!
Alright, that’s all for now!
Much Love
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Be about it
It’s been a while since I have last blogged and a lot of that comes from my excuse of being “too busy”. Truthfully, I wasn’t sure what I felt God putting on my heart to write and share. Recently though, its been a reoccurring theme that I felt I needed to share with those reading, so that’s what this blog is about.
It’s about control, and it’s about identity, and how those two seem to correlate recently for me.
Control
Recently I had to speak at Young Life, it went well for the most part but the days and honestly since then (2 weeks ago) I haven’t been able to let go of the idea: control. You see I was supposed to speak on “Man’s Struggle With Control”. Praise the Lord, something that will challenge me and call me out! I struggle with it in every aspect of my life whether that be academically, faith, relationships, and even baseball. I WANT control of the things in my life because I THINK I know what is best for me, I think I know what will turn out to be beneficial for me. This is where God has the Jeopardy buzzer to tell me I’m dead wrong. I don’t have a clue!
Identity
Many of you are familiar with the death of Kiefer Holman and what all has taken place in the last week. Kiefer wasn’t one of my close friends, in fact, if you look at it from the world’s standards, we weren’t even Facebook official. But his death has really challenged me. I’ve talked to a lot of people who have shared stories and memories of Kiefer and I have watched and read the reports since the day he went missing. There’s an underlying message in every story, memory, or report that I have heard, I don’t know if you caught it….. Kiefer Cody Holman’s identity wasn’t a college student, it wasn’t a boyfriend, it wasn’t a son, friend, grandson, soccer player.
You may be thinking, actually that’s exactly the things that he was and was reported, you’re right. But above all of those title’s, in every story, memory, and report, Kiefer Holman was a man of God. His identity was based around him being a Christian, and that spread into the other areas of his life. What a legacy to leave behind, being known for being on fire for Christ and having Him at the center of every area of your life.
Control + Identity
What a concept that would be, to give up control, turn EVERYTHING in your life over to God and see what could happen. Here’s my prediction (if I’m allowed to make a prediction about that….?):
My life wouldn’t be filled with stress, anxiety, struggle, frustration. I would know and take rest in knowing that my life is in the hands of someone greater who knows what is best for me and wants what is best for me. If I would just wake up every day and die to His control, to trust. My identity wouldn’t be Austin the baseball player, the college student, the Young Life leader, the _________. You fill in the blank. My identity may be close to what the lasting impression Kiefer Holman left on so many of us, a man of God who wanted nothing more than to glorify his maker and to be so filled with Him that it overflowed into the lives of the people around him, even the people he was in contact with for short periods of time. So the challenge: let go, give up control in every aspect of life to Him, trust, and watch the transformation.
Kiefer, you will be missed by more than I know, but the challenge you have brought to my life, will never be forgotten, and always evident. Thank you. Save me a seat in heaven
It’s about control, and it’s about identity, and how those two seem to correlate recently for me.
Control
Recently I had to speak at Young Life, it went well for the most part but the days and honestly since then (2 weeks ago) I haven’t been able to let go of the idea: control. You see I was supposed to speak on “Man’s Struggle With Control”. Praise the Lord, something that will challenge me and call me out! I struggle with it in every aspect of my life whether that be academically, faith, relationships, and even baseball. I WANT control of the things in my life because I THINK I know what is best for me, I think I know what will turn out to be beneficial for me. This is where God has the Jeopardy buzzer to tell me I’m dead wrong. I don’t have a clue!
Identity
Many of you are familiar with the death of Kiefer Holman and what all has taken place in the last week. Kiefer wasn’t one of my close friends, in fact, if you look at it from the world’s standards, we weren’t even Facebook official. But his death has really challenged me. I’ve talked to a lot of people who have shared stories and memories of Kiefer and I have watched and read the reports since the day he went missing. There’s an underlying message in every story, memory, or report that I have heard, I don’t know if you caught it….. Kiefer Cody Holman’s identity wasn’t a college student, it wasn’t a boyfriend, it wasn’t a son, friend, grandson, soccer player.
You may be thinking, actually that’s exactly the things that he was and was reported, you’re right. But above all of those title’s, in every story, memory, and report, Kiefer Holman was a man of God. His identity was based around him being a Christian, and that spread into the other areas of his life. What a legacy to leave behind, being known for being on fire for Christ and having Him at the center of every area of your life.
Control + Identity
What a concept that would be, to give up control, turn EVERYTHING in your life over to God and see what could happen. Here’s my prediction (if I’m allowed to make a prediction about that….?):
My life wouldn’t be filled with stress, anxiety, struggle, frustration. I would know and take rest in knowing that my life is in the hands of someone greater who knows what is best for me and wants what is best for me. If I would just wake up every day and die to His control, to trust. My identity wouldn’t be Austin the baseball player, the college student, the Young Life leader, the _________. You fill in the blank. My identity may be close to what the lasting impression Kiefer Holman left on so many of us, a man of God who wanted nothing more than to glorify his maker and to be so filled with Him that it overflowed into the lives of the people around him, even the people he was in contact with for short periods of time. So the challenge: let go, give up control in every aspect of life to Him, trust, and watch the transformation.
Kiefer, you will be missed by more than I know, but the challenge you have brought to my life, will never be forgotten, and always evident. Thank you. Save me a seat in heaven
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Austin is ________
Tonight I entered into a journey with a group of men hungry for the Lord. A group of guys who don’t know each other all that well, some better than others, but all with one purpose, to read through the Word of God and see what He will do with that.
First and foremost I am humbled by the fact that I have never even attempted to do this before. Why? Because I have always been too scared of failure, not shockingly, isn’t that what the game of baseball that I love and seek is, a game of failure? Just hits me in the face to think that I have never stepped out and even attempted this before. Anyways, tonight was the first night that I will be journaling about my reading. I don’t intend on “blogging” it every night, because this is between God and I, but like I said when I started blogging, I want people to know, they need to know, because we are to live in community.
I cant hide anything from God, so why try or even think about hiding something from the people I see every day?
Tonight something hit me while I was reading and that is what I want to share. In Genesis 1:1 we get the history of how God created the heavens and the earth and all that was in it and of it. As I was reading the same string of words appeared after God completed a task, “and He saw that it was good”. Of course it was, we know that, He’s perfect.
Here’s the thing, and this may convict you and hit you like it did me tonight. God created me, it says I was made in HIS likeness. So at the end of the day, when God looks at me, Austin Cantwell, does He see that I am good? Do my actions, my words, my thoughts, my EVERYTHING, satisfy God? If it said, at the end of the day, God looked at Austin, and He saw that he was good?
Not convicted yet, well how about this. Ever played Mad Libs (I think that’s the game) where you fill in the blanks? Well before you go to bed, play this one: “God made you, and at the end of the day He saw I was ______”.
Kind of scary isn’t it when we think about the words that SHOULD fill that blank? Thankfully that isn’t the end of the story, or the ultimate end to our fate. But something to think about, night
Much Love
First and foremost I am humbled by the fact that I have never even attempted to do this before. Why? Because I have always been too scared of failure, not shockingly, isn’t that what the game of baseball that I love and seek is, a game of failure? Just hits me in the face to think that I have never stepped out and even attempted this before. Anyways, tonight was the first night that I will be journaling about my reading. I don’t intend on “blogging” it every night, because this is between God and I, but like I said when I started blogging, I want people to know, they need to know, because we are to live in community.
I cant hide anything from God, so why try or even think about hiding something from the people I see every day?
Tonight something hit me while I was reading and that is what I want to share. In Genesis 1:1 we get the history of how God created the heavens and the earth and all that was in it and of it. As I was reading the same string of words appeared after God completed a task, “and He saw that it was good”. Of course it was, we know that, He’s perfect.
Here’s the thing, and this may convict you and hit you like it did me tonight. God created me, it says I was made in HIS likeness. So at the end of the day, when God looks at me, Austin Cantwell, does He see that I am good? Do my actions, my words, my thoughts, my EVERYTHING, satisfy God? If it said, at the end of the day, God looked at Austin, and He saw that he was good?
Not convicted yet, well how about this. Ever played Mad Libs (I think that’s the game) where you fill in the blanks? Well before you go to bed, play this one: “God made you, and at the end of the day He saw I was ______”.
Kind of scary isn’t it when we think about the words that SHOULD fill that blank? Thankfully that isn’t the end of the story, or the ultimate end to our fate. But something to think about, night
Much Love
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